Balanced Assertivity

I struggle with being the correct level of assertive. I am a push-over then I am pushy. I am working to eliminate the push-over side and it's working. Then I say one thing and I am pushy. 

What's pushy anyway? If you close up and shut down, you've been exposed to someone who is pushy. I think when Martine and Sylvain called me to do the Leadership program they were being pushy. 

But then I build the relationship with my mom, let her open up to me for a few weeks, ask her questions for introspection, but as soon as I talk about 'the course', it becomes pushy?!? How does one word change the conversation? How does it go from being open to being closed and I become shut out? Am i pushy or is she closed for support? Why is it too often?

But it's not just my mom. It's my mom, my sister and my boyfriend. Maybe more, but they're the ones who have said it. That means it's something I do. What do i do that makes people close up and shut down? 

You have to ask yourself: do I close up and shut down? am I afraid of support? Was it that I didn't build the relationship enough? Am I afraid of intimacy?

I think I am open to support. Probably too open. Though, I don't necessarily apply the support I get right away... which might be the cause. I was certain that I built the relationship enough, because sometimes all it takes is a simple "how are you?" and actually care. I care! 

Caring, overthinking and analysing though, I am not sure those get me to the place I want to be. 

It's frustrating, but something to think about.

Let me just add a link: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/how-to-be-assertive-not-pushy/ 

Be happy now

I've been watching a lot of videos on MindValley's various websites, and here's one that I watched yesterday and it marked me more than the others: it's about gratitude. Instead of thinking along the lines of "I'll celebrate when I get a promotion" or "I'll be happy when I own a red camaro", instead of waiting two years to be happy (and in two years, you'll know you'll just have some other goal 2 years after that), instead of postponing happiness, you must take it now, choose happiness now, be happy with what you have now, because the present it all you have. 

Somehow all this I just wrote, I knew it before, I always knew it but it never really clicked until recently (a weekend seminar I took really did it for me), so I encourage you to keep learning and keep remembering it until it really clicks and it becomes easy to do. Keep trying, you'll get there, be confident in the process. You're on the right path.

So, back to that, the above concept is from this guy Dan Sullivan and his theory "the Gap". Here, watch this video from Mind Valley. 

The concept is to instead celebrate the you now compared to the you from two years ago. That's called Gratitude. And gratitude comes easily when you're on the right track (once it "clicks") but until then, practicing gratitude even if difficult at first will bring more gratitude easily into your life. That's happiness. Embrace it.

So, to finish, I want to add this "Happiness Challenge" image I found on Pinterest. It comes from this site. It's true, everyone's ultimate goal is happiness, but happiness is a feeling, a momentary emotion. Choose happiness today, and build it into your life using simple gratitude processes, such as those below.  



Good Luck!

Who am I?

I am generous
I am observant
I look out for people
I am curious
I want to learn
I am happy
I enjoy life, food, discoveries
I have an inner child
I am flexible
I respect myself
I am confident
I am creative
I am organized enough
I care for the environment
I am positive, optimistic
I trust easily
I am supportive & compassionate
I am sociable
I am intelligent
I give good advice
I am kind
I am funny and I have a sense of humor

What other people say:
I'm confident 
I try things 
I am daring 
When I choose to do something, I do it (no matter the after-thoughts...)
I don't need to ask permission
I'm a pro at desserts
I respect myself
I am loved
I'll be missed
I'm beautiful
I'm fun
I'm very friendly
I'm generous
I'm a giver

Tips to Love Yourself

1. Ask for a list of things people like about you (get it by email to keep)
2. Make a list of things you like about yourself. Be honest. if you have trouble, think about thinks you value in your friends and see if you've got that too. Write in a special notebook, a beautiful notebook. Read and repeat.
3. Make it part of your daily routine to praise something in yourself or think of something you like about yourself, or something you did to make others feel good. Praise as if you're a friend of yours.
4. Love yourself like you love a friend. Close your eyes. Think of someone you deeply love and trust and who you know loves you. Think of all the things you appreciate about them. Notice how love feels, how it feels good. Now be the friend, feeling love back at you. See yourself through gentle eyes, with compassion and love, the way your friend does. Receive that love, from your friend to you, feel the warmth move through you. remember how it feels. repeat.
5. Make a note everytime someone says something nice to you. Put these notes in a container 'good things about me'. Decorate it. Read & repeat. 
6. Have compassion for yourself: if you're feeling judgemental, try to get where it comes from, from deep down. fear? insecurity? past voice? listen to your feelings. Hug and reassure the kid inside you. Tell her you did nothing wrong, tell her you love her. As if you're your friend.
7. Recognize love comes from you, not from parents, but from you. You deserve it. You deserve love and acceptance. 
8. Use affirmations. Write, say strong loving things even if you don't fully believe. for example: "I utterly and completely deserve love and kindness", "I am a very loveable person", "I am kind, compassionate, intelligent and wise". Put affirmations up where you always see or touch (e.g. book), or both. Read them daily. Write love notes to yourself. Read them slowly and really feel it. 
9. Recognize self-criticism. Notice it, then ask your evil voice "why?" Remind yourself you no longer need to do that to survive. You're free to make up your own mind.
10. Counteract negative thoughts about yourself. Write down all the negative thoughts and messages in your head. Figure out who told you them first. Respond to them by counteract, as strong and loving as you can. Ask a deep/wise part inside you. Think about how your friend would say it. 
11. Do comforting and nurturing things for yourself. Feel good and feel how good you feel. You deserve it. Seek ways to feel good. 
12. Ask yourself what you need to do - trust your intuition.