The new boss in town: the Heart

Today I made a decision to review the Open Heart seminar. I totally didn't expect it! As most things... I have never really been prepared for things, and I certainly don't expect things to go bad when they are good. As Martine consoled me, as I cried that I was not good enough (untrue), or that I can't do it (untrue), that I haven't learned anything (super untrue), that I'm right back where I started 3 months ago (really untrue), that I had fears (ok that one's true) about being judged, being compared, losing approval, not caring about my money, anyway, as you can see, I have a lot of emotional things to settle, limiting behaviours to erase or unlearn, things to let go of, things to accept, such as me: accepting and forgiving myself... 

I am so aware of all this now! How did I not see it before?? It's like Martine put it (as she got it from Lyse), a story that depicts the mind vs. the heart: you own a Dep, but you've been away for 30 years, and you come back and it's a mess! the current manager (metaphor for "the mind") thinks it's got the situation handled, but the ways in which he works are totally opposite what you'd do. This manager sees his store as if it's running smoothly, and you can see now from an outer perspective, that you could be making a helluva lot more profit, by cleaning it up, changeing the management, changing the staff, changing the methods... it's still the same store, but with the heart in charge, man is it going to flourish!! And I guess the store is a metaphor for the body! Hehe, it's a nice story, huh?


So I'm going back to the seminar - to complete my Leadership Course. I'll get back and see it from a different perspective. And more importantly, I'm making a decision that puts my heart back in charge of the store. The mind can have its 9-5 desk job back, do the analysis, design and mathematics, and leave the other stuff for the new boss in town, the heart. My heart and my Self.

This is a beautiful end (of my Open Heart experience) to a beautiful beginning (that is my happy life).

The blog's first "What's So" : a Current-reality reality-check

Dear Internet,

I know I don't have readers, and actually this blog is actually my online diary. In a recent course that I did, last April 2014, I realized a lot of things about me, about my past, about my parents, and understood a lot about why I am the way I am, what I've been lugging around (behavioural patterns) and how I can clean myself right up to be this bright brand-spankin'-new me out in the world, as if for the first time. 

The point is not to heal by learning something new but by unlearning limiting behaviours... Something like that - I saw this quote on a site about meditation, that I really liked. This seminar that I did focused on psychological patterns that humans have, and looking into our parents identities to see if we have strings in common, then acquiring tools to allow us to deal with those things, and let the past go. Take a decision to be your own person now.

I know I've had issues being my own person in the last months....years...my whole life, really. I don't remember many times when I stood up in front of a crowd speaking my mind on my own free will, or when I stood up for myself after being made fun of or verbally agressed, or when I didn't let that shit fly before it even happened, or when I stood up for someone else without thinking of the consequences. Somewhere down the line, I lost my sense of self, and only now am I trying to get it back.

I probably lost never really had a sense of myself... In this culture, I don't think that mindfulness and body awareness are taught. At least, a few months ago, the only thing I was listening for in my body was hunger or need to use the bathroom. Kids are probably really aware of their body. I of course don't remember being a kid much, let alone being a baby, but I would think the whole reason a baby cries is because he's learning to be in his own body, learning to use it, learning to understand the world, learning and absorbing. I also read somewhere that kids have a really good understanding of whether they are hungry or thirsty, and that that ability is one you lose through the years. That article said that actually a lot of adults confuse them and eat when in fact they are hungry... I don't know how true that is, but I definitely know I can't really tell when I'm thirsty, and I definitely stopped paying attention to my body a long time ago. 

This TEDtalk video I watched the other day, about how education kills creativity - a must-watch, seriously... said at some point that a lot of those intellectual professors, etc, see their body as a way to get from A to B, something that carries their brain from seminar to seminar! Haha that's interesting imagery, but that's actually what I've been feeling like.... that is, being "in the head", analyzing every single situation, acquiring data, testing, analyzing, estimating, judging, watching, as if every situation is a scientific experiment. I've come to notice that I've got a lot of suppressed emotion - a direct result of over-analyzing situations instead of acting, but then also keeping emotions to myself, just because I've assumed, in my head, that the person I'm talking to doesn't really need to know what I have to say, or how I feel. I don't think I ever really learned how to express emotion and be proactive in tuning in to other people's emotions (ok that I can do), but actually being proactive about helping them out, asking what they need, instead of assuming the person will figure him/herself out. 

So, all that to say, that I've decided to stop over-analyzing my posts, to stop worrying about coming out with a structured post with not a lot of information for the small brains. I'm much better off writing this blog from the heart, and breathing and being present as I write this. I'm much better off speaking without barriers, because, to be honest, I've had barriers up my whole life and it's time to bring those down. 

So, maybe I'm going to be a bit, or a lot, all-over-the-place in this blog. Without really knowing what I'm going to write about until I get there. I am just listening to myself, to my feelings, and I'm leaving my "What's So", a current-reality check. And this is the new me. Say Hi!

Until next time,
Miss K

'Open Heart' seminar that changed my life as I knew it

Dear reader,

I’m writing because I took this really interesting weekend 30-hour seminar in April in Montreal, QC and I thought I’d share it with you because it really changed my perspective, improved my self-esteem and awareness in general. Also If you are interested in bettering yourself, like I am, you might find something of value in my experience.

This weekend seminar is called Open Heart and, in a few words, deals with breathing, self-awareness and introspection. So I went to this weekend seminar because I wanted to get rid of stress I was having at my job due to projects (my hard time completing them) and stress related to my relationships with my coworkers (who are nice and evil and really screw with my mind). I received tips and tricks for dealing with the stress, but what I got out of this seminar went a lot deeper than that: I realized my stress wasn’t just about my projects and my coworkers, but it went a lot deeper into my sub-conscious.

We examined negative repetitive patterns that everyone has at least a bit of, so I figured out mine (the major one is seeking approval in everything I do and say), I understood where they come from and why I act like I do, how it has affected my life to date and how I can fix it.

I realized how my relationship with my parents has shaped the way I am in the world, my relationship with people (including coworkers) and with things (such as projects) as well as the way I communicate. I am somehow more self-aware and I realize more than ever how much is in my hands, and that I have the power to change my environment. It’s funny, I used to know this in my brain, and I thought I knew it, but the truth is that I realize how that I never really felt it; I sort of had a breakthrough and now see things way differently.

After realizing my patterns and because of the exercises we did, I’m able to let go of things that used to eat me up inside, short-term tiny things like a fight or the traffic and long-term things like how my parents raised me.

So, since the seminar, I’ve noticed a major change in my communications: I had a terrible relationship with my mom: always falling into her negative trap and struggling for air, whereas now I don’t let that shit fly! I may not be able to change her, but I sure as hell can change how I communicate with her and it’s become much easier and possible! I actually am able to have a real conversation (about real things, not the weather). I’m so proud of myself. I’ve also changed my communication in a similar way with my boyfriend, coworkers, and other people – I am used to reacting instead of responding reasonably and I am much more assertive and able to relax faster when stresses come up. Additionally, I am aware now of the negative behavioural patterns that people have and I can see them all around me and protect myself from getting absorbed into the negativity, mind games, etc.

Lastly, many of the exercises made me more aware of myself physically and emotionally. I live a lot more in the present and I have noticed a significant shift in my overall positivity.

This is what it brought for me in the last month and I am really grateful to have taken the risk in taking this course, and I encourage you to do the same if you see anything of value for yourself. I have increased my self-esteem, I improved my current relationships and communications, I am meeting new people and having good conversations with them, I also started to find hope in my career, I am able to deal with stress a lot easier, I live less inside my head and would say I am a LOT closer to inner peace. This seminar could also help you let go of illness if you have and increase your prosperity.

The seminar is called Open Heart (www.lyselebeau.com) and the next one is June 27^th (evening), June 28 (all day) June 29 (all day) and July 2^nd (evening).

If you have any questions or comments or would simply like to talk about it, please send your comments. I look forward to your reply, and have a nice day,

Miss K