The Discomfort Zone

The most rewarding actions is those taken outside of your comfort zone

Imagine this: Imagine your comfort zone is a sphere. Imagine an inflated balloon. You, in general, - imagine yourself as a marble - move through your comfort zone in your daily life. You move in 3 directions, because you're not always doing the same thing. But if you're content, you're living within that bubble that is our comfort zone. Now imagine a sphere, a giant ball that fits in the room you're in. The walls of the giant ball are your limits! You, the marble, usually lives within that balloon floating in the room, but your limits in various areas of life span much farther that what you're used to.  Not everyone has the same limits, but we all have them. And we also have limits of our comfort zone. Our potential is that giant bubble, whereas where we are is not quite there. Everytime you push yourself on the edge of your comfort zone, 

[Reference : http://bemindfulnow.com/?p=549]

6 months on a budget - Pros and Cons

It's been about 6 months - it will be at the end of this month - since I started being conscientious of my purchases to quit buying useless things and to save money. 

The initial idea last July was "let's see if we can save 1000$ each to buy a drone" but in the end, a drone wasn't worth 1000$ to me, but it was still useful for me to see if truly I could minimize my spending. 

So, after about 6 months, here are the observations I’ve made:

The positives

1.       More conscious of my tendencies and shopping habits

I do have a tendency to shop every 2-3 months and buy for a few hundred dollars. For example, when I come across cool and fashionable tendencies, it makes me want some of my own (PINEAPPLES!!). When there is a change in seasons, like the fall collection is out in a store I like, I have a tendency to want a new wardrobe, or spend a few hundred dollars on some new items.  Christmas also meant I wanted to have a bunch of extra seasonal items, like Christmas decorations for the tree (even though we already had a bunch), nice table decor for having people over (even though I hadn't had plans to host anyone), nice house decorations (but not enough space for new stuff!!) and of course gifts! I have a tendency to buy in excess, sometimes buying gifts even when I don't have a person in mind! (Are you an over-buyer or under-buyer?)

2.     I did become a mindful spender

With every purchase I questioned myself on the usefulness of what I wanted to buy and if I really had a use in mind, one that would last beyond one season.

Although on this project I don’t concentrate on saving money on groceries and going to the restaurant (dates or social activities), I’ve become a bit more conscious and smart about spending, for example “I spent a lot on fancy ingredients last month, I should focus on using them up or using my frozen items this month”.

I don’t actually have a numerical budget, as getting into the metrics would be a whole other project that I’m not willing to get into now (which I can do because I am not in debt, thankfully).

3.     I did buy less of certain items

I saved some money by not spending on delicious tea from my favorite tea store DavidsTea, books (since I already have a bunch I didn’t read), seasonal items (except some hand soaps………), home decorations (except a few that provided happy memories and those that my mister wanted to incorporate into our home – I didn’t want him to be negatively affected by my budgeting exercise)…

4.     More enjoyment from the things I do own

Not buying the new teas at DavidsTea was difficult, but I also was able to enjoy all the teas I do have, and benefit from the enjoyment of finishing a pack of tea that I’ve had for a while!

Not buying new books, I was able to pick up a book I already had and still hadn’t read!

5.     I became more generous

Since I didn’t want to spend money to fill up my home with useless stuff, I couldn’t buy myself the awesome cute amazing thing I found at that store I love, but someone else could benefit! I allowed myself to be a bit more generous with gifts. A little gift for a friend who was celebrating a birthday, a care package for a sick family member, an extra generous gift this year for Christmas.

The negatives

1.      I'm a little masochistic

Although I've decided not to buy things that are "fun" and "cool" but useless, or just temporary useful, I'm still subscribed to newsletters of my favorite stores, some that are stocked with temporary useful objects (Like Indigo Bookstore!). And not just that, I peruse the sales for "essential" items that are also awesome. The inner dialogue that it causes is less than pleasant as I go from "yes I want it so bad!" to "no, i don't need it" back and forth for several minutes, and sometimes several times in a day or week. When seasonal items, which I've sworn off, go on sale, it's torture and a half . I know I'd feel temporary pleasure, but I'd also use said items during a specific season. A great example of this was the pumpkin tureen in a previous blog post of my biggest teases!

2.     I still spent money

I bought a few cake pedestals for taking better pictures of my Gateaux Dulce cakes, some clothing when I ruined a couple items in the wash, some gorgeous frames to finally display some beautiful pictures from our Italy vacation, some hand soaps with holiday scents (hey, they’re consumable!), etc. As mentioned in the positives, I also was more generous in gifts! So, in terms of saving dollars, I’m not sure I succeeded much in that department.

In the end, there are more positives than negatives so the overall conclusion is it’s a good thing which I will be continuing for the next few months and hopefully beyond, setting good habits for the future!

*

Any ideas for saving money? What are some of your pros and cons of mindful spending?

Two steps forward, one step back

We, humans, are by no means perfect. So striving for perfection is futile; rather, aim for progress! Two steps forward and one step back is still progress, and so we just learn from our back-steps but they don't necessarily equal failure. 

I have to tell myself that, as I struggle to beat myself down when I buy things and I've told myself not to. But it's okay, it totally happens and it's not the end of the world. So I bought frames, at least I'm going to add photos for an added value home that showcases good memories. Not only can we learn from our mistakes, we can spin them to be positive based on our perspective. We make choices. 

The fact is that I still spend money, but rather than increasing a tea collection that I won't finish up until mid- to late- 2016, I'm spending on things that will allow me to grow in one way or another: 

1. Baking supplies

Since I started a baking business (facebook page / GateauxDulce), my time concerned on it has been little. As my entrepreneur friend Sarah told me "It's not a business if you don't have business"; she's right. I'll have to make a goal of actually selling cakes to be able to call it a business. But one thing is also certain: I will have to practice to sell beautiful cakes. And in the last month, I delivered 3 cakes including my first wedding cake. Yes, I bought baking supplies, but I've got 4 potential orders in the backlog : one where I will make cupcakes in exchange for a bottle of port, one birthday cake (scheduled), one gluten-free cake (potential), and I'll be having some bake sales at work to raise funds for charity. 

Look at what I've been able to accomplish with some supplies!! I'm so very proud!

2. Frames

I have been staring at these frames for a long time ...They're on page 12 of my Indigo Wishlist!!! Yes, the plan always has been and still is to print photos from Italy (and possibly some of Greece) that are relaxing to always think about our trip when I see the pictures, recollecting good souvenirs. There is a lot of benefit added to this personal project. One, I won't be accomplishing it on my own, therefore a couple's project. Two, finally get rid of those ikea frames that mean nothing. Three, increased happiness from reminiscing of happy moments abroad. And I got them at 25% off! YAY!

3. Cake pedestals

Okay I totally did not NEED cake pedestals, but it ended up being worth it, especially one with a ruffle that (not shown) was used to display the wedding cake shown above. The result was so beautiful, it brought emotion to my throat (i.e. the step before tears to my eyes). I got one beautiful china one for a 6" cake, one 8-9" white ceramic ruffle one that I just mentioned, and one made of wood (actually I bought a wood round cake board and a wood carved candle stick, which, when used together, can make a nice rustic-look pedestal). They do take a lot of room yes, but they are worth it. Why? Because taking beautiful pictures of cakes is part of growing the business. It's part of the marketing, and the way one gets likes on social media! Very important. I shall however restrain myself from making additional cake pedestal purchases! So here is the final selection:

4. Gifts 

Since I don't want to spend money on useless gifts for myself, things that give instant gratification, things may not remain interesting for very long, then I allow myself to do so towards another. They might not like the gift but our relationship is better because I've put a little extra time considering what may make them feel good. I put together a care package recently, and although it wasn't cheap, it was worth it!

5. Experiences

Even though I try to cut down on spending, I actually do still spend about the same  amount of money in total, because we go out to eat every now and then, we go to shows. I attended the SAQ Grande Degustation last week, and I'll be going to Sugar Sammy on December 5th! Looking forward to that! Experiences we grow from, we create memories, and sure it takes funds, but in the end, it's worth it and that's what you really need to think about when making purchases!



So the lesson is, not all first perceived failures can really be described as failures, as I am still progressing and I buy things with value added. I ask myself "Is it worth it?" and "Will I take enjoyment from this in the long term?", and if the answer is yes, then go for it! 

Money concerns both people in a couple.

It happened on a normal evening, all I did was say that I didn't want to buy an expensive new coffee machine, even though yes the coffee did sound delicious. I said I'm trying not to spend on things I didn't need, and I said I was aiming for a minimalist lifestyle. The word "minimalist" set off a bomb of fear from my partner, he freaked-out at the thought of a radical change in my lifestyle that did not include him. Here's an article for you, mister: The Minimalists (click the link for full article).

Minimalism is not a radical lifestyle. Minimalism is a tool I use to get rid of unnecessary stuff and live a meaningful life—a life filled with happiness, freedom, and conscious awareness.

Since we had some big discussion about the purchase of a drone a few months back, it started with a friendly competition on who can save the most money (however difficult that is to measure) and it turned into a serious evaluation of my spending habits. On my birthday I received a cookbook and for the first time I did not want a cookbook, because I already maximized the space I had for cookbooks, but I started noticing all around how many things I had bought because I knew I needed or wanted, and now I have a serious lack of space everywhere in our house. 

A house, so roomy compared to an apartment, so I've permitted myself to own more things, but now, now I realize how so many things get lost and how I don't remember where I've placed certain things, and how they don't actually bring me happiness. Basically, I just have too much stuff, and  like a drop that makes the vase overflow, I realized it all at once, all it took was one too many cookbooks.  

But back to the point, the reason he freaked out was probably related to some fears that I'm losing my mind or that life will become boring, based on his views of what "minimalism" meant, but isn't necessarily the same as what I understand it to be. 

But this led me to wonder to what extent did my minimalism journey negatively affect others while benefiting me? How many expenditures can I really cut when the partner in my life is not cutting out unnecessary expenses? Does beautifying our home and buying kitchen gadgets to make our common lives better fit into the "useless spending" category? Where is the line between fun, useful and meaningful? I've got to think of it before making a decision. For example, perhaps buying frames for travel photos might be okay (will bring us both happiness) while a new coffee machine might not be okay (only bringing him happiness). 

But even then, couple life is about compromises and so I will probably end up still purchasing items that I don't particularly enjoy,  but he does and so I concede. That can happen.

Sources of inspiration 

1. Blonde on a Budget http://blondeonabudget.ca/2014/07/07/the-year-i-plan-to-embrace-minimalism/

The No-Spending Diet

I'm doing a no-spending diet. I'm trying to see how much I can not-spend between July 2015 and July 2016. Of course, measuring savings is actually quite difficult. How can I guarantee I would have bought that item I want, and didn't buy it just because I'm on a no-spending diet? I can't. 

The rules:

Things I can buy:
- Groceries : I am allowed to buy regular and fancy groceries, as long as I use everything before it goes bad, and that I don't leave canned goods and other non-perishable items forever and ever without using. I must also consume canned goods and other non-perishable items that have been in my pantry for over a year, or else donate them at food drives.
- Clothing: only when something needs replacing. I gave myself an exception for ModCloth when I went to San Francisco and I got some bras because I haven't gotten new undergarments since forever.
- Gifts: because I am choosing minimalism, not others.
- House items: if both Benoit and I agree that we NEED it. 
- Baking items: only if I it is for an order or if there is a concrete plan in place to sell goodies created with that item.
- Vacation: normal purchases are allowed on vacation, provided that I evaluate the want vs. the need (esp. for souvenirs).

Things I must not buy:
- Tea. I must not buy new tea from DavidsTea or other until I am left with less than 10 teas in my cupboard. 
- Anything from Indigo. Especially not decorative seasonal items, and anything in the paper department (journals, notepads, etc.)
- Books: I must not buy books. Not until I have read all the books that I currently own that are unread. 
- Gift decorating items: such as wrapping paper, bows, labels and ribbons. Although I am allowed to buy gifts, I am not allowed to buy gift decorating things. I may not have everything, but I have too much wrapping paper, and I need to start using it.

Now accepting bets on how long I will be able to last! I'll try to keep this blog updated on related thoughts, challenges and savings.

Laters,
Miss K on a Budget

Best purchases of 2015

Now that I've started a no-spending diet, I'm also slowly attempting to declutter. I'm finding more clarity on which items in my household are useless crap I bought for fun and which ones are excellent purchases.
As a way to honor my excellent purchases, I'm attempting to make a list in this blog, so that we can both, all of us, deepen our sense of appreciation for certain objects we own, and work on identifying value in other objects we own, or future objects we are about to purchase. 

1. Birkenstock sandals


I've had some knee problems in the last 3 summers because I tried playing squash, and my knees were not strong enough for the strain and I've had to do 3 rounds of physiotherapy and I am still at this time not very confident in getting back into it or impact sports in general. One big problem was shoes. None of my shoes had arch support, and I'd go through the summer in flat flip flops and year-round in a variety of other flat support-less shoes. I'd seen these shoes on a few people and they all swear by their Birkenstocks, so I thought I'd give it a go. Best shoe purchase ever! They are basically the only thing I wear in the summer.

2.  Iced Tea travel mug (DavidsTea)

So, I bought this mug (in fuchsia), and it's the best mug I've ever had. It contains 16 oz, and keeps liquids cold or warm all day. I don't even use the diffuser basket or the tea compartment and it's worth my money. I use it every day 3 times a day for hot tea, cold tea, carrying ice... It's my best mate. (That and tea from DavidsTea of course. I've also discovered cold steeping, which is totally awesome! I could probably write a full blog just on tea...)

3. Non slip mat (I bought a small roll at the dollar store)

I bake cakes. I sell cakes, and then I have to transport them by car to destination. 9 times out of ten, it leaves the house looking nice and on the way, something gets stuck in the icing and ruins my overall look, and I have to do some touch-ups. Actually, it's a miracle when it survives the journey!! 

When, last April, this cake (left), turned into this (after a big fall, some touching up, right), 

I bought the non-slip mat and then my cake travels have been spared the squished sides that used to be so familiar to me! Thank you dollar store! (note that larger cake boards and boxes add to the experience!)

4. Memory foam pillow

I can't show a picture of mine, because I got it IKEA but they no longer carry the pillow I have. It supports my head, I'm a side sleeper, and I haven never slept so good in my life. 

5- Double-wall glasses 

Sort of the same as #2 above, but I don't know if boiling water would be that great of an idea for this one... Super useful for iced tea! I'd like to mention that I discovered cold steeping tea - don't need to boil water! - such an amazing idea! 

5 current life improvements

A short post to serve as an update, things I am focusing on, things to improve and take action on:

1. Gratitude

I continue to practice gratitude. I've noticed recently that when people ask me "How are you?" I tend to take all the good stuff for granted (--> the everyday things like being healthy and employed, as well as the small daily things like a delicious cup of tea or someone asking me how my day is going), so that the things I want to mention are all negative (aches and pains, deadlines, work stresses, annoying coworkers) and so my average mood is always negative. 

Action I'm taking: instead of mentioning bad things, when people ask How are you? force myself to say good and think of something positive. 

2. Circle of influence

Following some end-of-year evaluations and feedback, the reputation I've built is one where I seem to be elsewhere that at work. it's not so much being negative as it is just thinking about other things and being "in the moon" as I like to say, dazed. 

Apparently the heart has a electromagnetic field that is 8 meters radius all around us, and that in some way it affects the people around us. Our mood will affect people around us. 

Action I'm taking: acting confident, trusting, lead by example, be the fire and the bright light in the room. That means smiling in front of others, correcting my posture, listening attentively, thanking others for their actions. Coworkers, family and significant other. I usually don't have that problem with friends.

3. Communication in the family

In my family, we accept errors of those around us by not ever bringing them up and bottling our anger. We also assume how other people will respond, and therefore not include them in plans or not go ahead with plans (depending). So I'm taking it upon myself to change my relationships with them because that's not acceptable for me any more. 

Actions I'm taking: Say when I'm hurt, even if I feel extremely vulnerable. Ask to be informed for certain decisions. Inform them of my decisions.

4. Me time

When I focus solely on important tasks , that are usually urgent or stress me a little because they're so important (like my bakery- ... oh that's right! I didn't post about that yet! in the meantime: www.gateauxdulce.com) I get judgemental on myself - not doing enough, not doing it fast enough, spending too much time watching TV (that part is true). 

On the other hand, when I read and do things I've been putting off that are enjoyable such as creative activities, reading and planning a trip, I feel like life is good. 

Actions I'm taking: Replace TV and online shopping with reading, baking, planning and creative things like drawing, painting, etc.

5. No spending on useless crap

Speaking of online shopping, after a big discussion about whether or not we should buy a drone for travel videos, which costs about 2500$ by the way, I've decided to see how much stuff I can cut out of my spending. 

Actions I'm taking: When I have ingredients for lunches in the fridge, but don't feel I have the time, I will make a lunch so as not spend money on a lunch at work. I'm super addicted to Indigo Chapters and DavidsTea so not spending there will be the hardest. I bought a gift at DavidsTea and then found a better gift (guess where? Indigo!), so I guess that was a failure (but I eat failure for breakfast) because I ended up with extra tea. But no more! 40% off online tea......... I check the specials daily but so far I haven't bought any! Yay! Only once I run out then I can buy more.... it'll be a while!!

I encourage you to set big goals and to take small actions every day to achieve them! Something that has helped me a lot is this Passion Planner, Thank you!

Signed, 
Miss K

Jealousy

A new pattern for me: jealousy

Jealousy isn’t something I am altogether familiar with…well, yes and no. Yes I am familiar with the heart ache I feel with jealousy, when someone I know has something I don’t and that I feel shitty for not being at the same place, but No in the sense that it’s rare that I get jealous. I must more often get that feeling just because I am judging myself: “I should be more like ____, but I’m not, and I hate myself for it”

I just got jealous again. My friend who’s shown me that she’s changed so much after taking a personal development class, I got inspired to do the same. I too have gone through a lot of positive changes. Now she’s totally changed careers and she’s starting her own business… and that’s what set off that feeling of “I’m not good enough” followed by “and I am never going to be.”

I took a moment to calm down and thought it through. Emotions are useful: they tell us something and figuring out what they are trying to tell us is Emotional Intelligence. This jealousy is telling me that I would like to eventually own a business. It is also telling me that I want to be excited about work, as she was.

And finally I can’t just push aside jealousy, by putting it into a small box for a rainy day. No – feel it, and accept it. It’s okay to be jealous. Now take action. You want to find career happiness, Karen? well go and find it. There is no other way. I’m sure she has gone through jealousy herself, and gone through a lot of negative emotions before finding something for her. Also, I can’t expect to have the same pathway to happiness as her, as our pasts are not at all the same, and our selves are two entirely different people.

I feel better already.

(PS. Reading material: http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/08/01/the-real-reason-youre-jealous-of-your-friends-success/2/)

Secret Agent K

Five things that make me happy this week

1. Baking , especially when it's to raise funds, and I don't have to do the raising. 

I made marshmallows flavored with Cream of Earl Grey tea from DavidsTea (the recipe is here), and I also made apple turnovers, which were both surprisingly easy to make. We raised money for Centraide. The department at my work was organizing. So many sweets were made and about 400$ were raised! Wonderful!

2. Leaving anonymous gifts to put smiles on people's faces! Inspired by Secret Agent L.

I left these at the gym! Random Acts of Kindness is the way to go :)

3. Complimenting people by way of post-its, idea from Operation Beautiful

This one I put up on a car at the gym. I'd have done it for more cars, but it was raining and I didn't have an umbrella! It will definitely brighten someone's day!

4. Made a cake for my friend's birthday! It's a butter pecan cake with whipped cream frosting. It was a total hit at the party! I may one day start making cakes for money  - wouldn't that be something? 

5. Pretty boxes for cupcakes I  just ordered from my friend's company Georgette Packaging

Have a lovely week!

Happy K

Getting out of the vicious circle

"If you feed the madness, it feeds on you" from the episode I JUST watched in Once Upon a Time

A few "bad" things (it's a matter of perspective, don't you think?) happened in a row and it snowballed: I lost control of myself then got into a doom & gloom mood for a couple of weeks, a "phase". In that phase, which I've had before a few times, I go down hard on myself, and then hate myself for everything I do. It's the harsh self-talk that goes on in my head when I'm not doing something fun. I do do fun things that make me temporarily happy and forget, which I think is part of the reason I get out of the negativity phase eventually, but they feel like escapes. Because when those fun things end, I go back to the black cloud mood where it's easy to be mad, it's easy to hate, it's easy to blame. 

I had this twice since I went to Open Heart in April 2014, and got out of it consciously, using the tools I got from the seminar. Because of that course, I'm aware and conscious. It sucks, but it's good at the same time because I know what I need to do. It sucks because it adds another reason to hate myself (therefore, vicious circle), but it's good because, as I ruin, blame, cry, get angry and wish bad things on people who didn't do anything, I also put time to exercise, do my written exercises that I learned from the seminar, take time to do breathing exercises, and meditations that inspire me, because I know those work. 

But man, is it hard to start, to put effort and be uncomfortable! But starting, well, that's non-optional for where I want to go!

I have motivation to find the happy version of me, it's really good, and I'm so thankful to have found a way to get there, even if I have to do it over and over .

People and sites I follow that inspire me:
http://instagram.com/maddykatelier
http://mindvalleyacademy.com/
http://cupcakesandcashmere.com/ (special mention for her newest post my-5-steps-for-tackling-anxiety)

October

I cannot believe it is already October, and I cannot believe I had forgotten about this blog for the last couple of months. I was reminded of it because it’s fall now, in full swing, with leaves turning yellow, orange, red and brown, falling away, and the cold it has brought in. I love fall! I remember that in fall of last year, I was giving out small gifts around the office and other places, inspired by Secret Agent L, and posting “you’re beautiful” notes, inspired by Operation Beautiful. As I signed up for Movember again, I remembered last year my post-its aimed at men. And I remember that although I’ve gone through a lot of emotional pain in the last year, my heart was in the right place a year ago. That person felt hope drift away for herself, but knew that spreading love to others would help mend her broken heart. The Me now loves herself a helluva lot more – anything is a helluva lot more than zero – and still wants to spread the love to others. I’m becoming the person I want to be. Love myself AND others. That’s what life is about!

And so, on that note, I'm setting up a to-do list for October. My inspiration comes from an old post by Emily Schumann of Cupcakes and Cashmere, one of my favorite blogs.

1. Bake 3 pumpkin recipes

2. Go Hiking

3. Drop anonymous gifts (Secret Agent L-style)

4. Recruit a friend to grow a stache and raise funds/awareness for Movember

5. Complete class Science of Happiness on edX.org 

7. Meditate to build intuition and to ground myself

8. Work out 3x / week to get fit for my Hawaii trip in December

9. Help host a fall party 

10. Practice gratitude by counting 3 good things every day

What's on your list this season?

Be happy now

I've been watching a lot of videos on MindValley's various websites, and here's one that I watched yesterday and it marked me more than the others: it's about gratitude. Instead of thinking along the lines of "I'll celebrate when I get a promotion" or "I'll be happy when I own a red camaro", instead of waiting two years to be happy (and in two years, you'll know you'll just have some other goal 2 years after that), instead of postponing happiness, you must take it now, choose happiness now, be happy with what you have now, because the present it all you have. 

Somehow all this I just wrote, I knew it before, I always knew it but it never really clicked until recently (a weekend seminar I took really did it for me), so I encourage you to keep learning and keep remembering it until it really clicks and it becomes easy to do. Keep trying, you'll get there, be confident in the process. You're on the right path.

So, back to that, the above concept is from this guy Dan Sullivan and his theory "the Gap". Here, watch this video from Mind Valley. 

The concept is to instead celebrate the you now compared to the you from two years ago. That's called Gratitude. And gratitude comes easily when you're on the right track (once it "clicks") but until then, practicing gratitude even if difficult at first will bring more gratitude easily into your life. That's happiness. Embrace it.

So, to finish, I want to add this "Happiness Challenge" image I found on Pinterest. It comes from this site. It's true, everyone's ultimate goal is happiness, but happiness is a feeling, a momentary emotion. Choose happiness today, and build it into your life using simple gratitude processes, such as those below.  



Good Luck!

Who am I?

I am generous
I am observant
I look out for people
I am curious
I want to learn
I am happy
I enjoy life, food, discoveries
I have an inner child
I am flexible
I respect myself
I am confident
I am creative
I am organized enough
I care for the environment
I am positive, optimistic
I trust easily
I am supportive & compassionate
I am sociable
I am intelligent
I give good advice
I am kind
I am funny and I have a sense of humor

What other people say:
I'm confident 
I try things 
I am daring 
When I choose to do something, I do it (no matter the after-thoughts...)
I don't need to ask permission
I'm a pro at desserts
I respect myself
I am loved
I'll be missed
I'm beautiful
I'm fun
I'm very friendly
I'm generous
I'm a giver

The blog's first "What's So" : a Current-reality reality-check

Dear Internet,

I know I don't have readers, and actually this blog is actually my online diary. In a recent course that I did, last April 2014, I realized a lot of things about me, about my past, about my parents, and understood a lot about why I am the way I am, what I've been lugging around (behavioural patterns) and how I can clean myself right up to be this bright brand-spankin'-new me out in the world, as if for the first time. 

The point is not to heal by learning something new but by unlearning limiting behaviours... Something like that - I saw this quote on a site about meditation, that I really liked. This seminar that I did focused on psychological patterns that humans have, and looking into our parents identities to see if we have strings in common, then acquiring tools to allow us to deal with those things, and let the past go. Take a decision to be your own person now.

I know I've had issues being my own person in the last months....years...my whole life, really. I don't remember many times when I stood up in front of a crowd speaking my mind on my own free will, or when I stood up for myself after being made fun of or verbally agressed, or when I didn't let that shit fly before it even happened, or when I stood up for someone else without thinking of the consequences. Somewhere down the line, I lost my sense of self, and only now am I trying to get it back.

I probably lost never really had a sense of myself... In this culture, I don't think that mindfulness and body awareness are taught. At least, a few months ago, the only thing I was listening for in my body was hunger or need to use the bathroom. Kids are probably really aware of their body. I of course don't remember being a kid much, let alone being a baby, but I would think the whole reason a baby cries is because he's learning to be in his own body, learning to use it, learning to understand the world, learning and absorbing. I also read somewhere that kids have a really good understanding of whether they are hungry or thirsty, and that that ability is one you lose through the years. That article said that actually a lot of adults confuse them and eat when in fact they are hungry... I don't know how true that is, but I definitely know I can't really tell when I'm thirsty, and I definitely stopped paying attention to my body a long time ago. 

This TEDtalk video I watched the other day, about how education kills creativity - a must-watch, seriously... said at some point that a lot of those intellectual professors, etc, see their body as a way to get from A to B, something that carries their brain from seminar to seminar! Haha that's interesting imagery, but that's actually what I've been feeling like.... that is, being "in the head", analyzing every single situation, acquiring data, testing, analyzing, estimating, judging, watching, as if every situation is a scientific experiment. I've come to notice that I've got a lot of suppressed emotion - a direct result of over-analyzing situations instead of acting, but then also keeping emotions to myself, just because I've assumed, in my head, that the person I'm talking to doesn't really need to know what I have to say, or how I feel. I don't think I ever really learned how to express emotion and be proactive in tuning in to other people's emotions (ok that I can do), but actually being proactive about helping them out, asking what they need, instead of assuming the person will figure him/herself out. 

So, all that to say, that I've decided to stop over-analyzing my posts, to stop worrying about coming out with a structured post with not a lot of information for the small brains. I'm much better off writing this blog from the heart, and breathing and being present as I write this. I'm much better off speaking without barriers, because, to be honest, I've had barriers up my whole life and it's time to bring those down. 

So, maybe I'm going to be a bit, or a lot, all-over-the-place in this blog. Without really knowing what I'm going to write about until I get there. I am just listening to myself, to my feelings, and I'm leaving my "What's So", a current-reality check. And this is the new me. Say Hi!

Until next time,
Miss K

'Open Heart' seminar that changed my life as I knew it

Dear reader,

I’m writing because I took this really interesting weekend 30-hour seminar in April in Montreal, QC and I thought I’d share it with you because it really changed my perspective, improved my self-esteem and awareness in general. Also If you are interested in bettering yourself, like I am, you might find something of value in my experience.

This weekend seminar is called Open Heart and, in a few words, deals with breathing, self-awareness and introspection. So I went to this weekend seminar because I wanted to get rid of stress I was having at my job due to projects (my hard time completing them) and stress related to my relationships with my coworkers (who are nice and evil and really screw with my mind). I received tips and tricks for dealing with the stress, but what I got out of this seminar went a lot deeper than that: I realized my stress wasn’t just about my projects and my coworkers, but it went a lot deeper into my sub-conscious.

We examined negative repetitive patterns that everyone has at least a bit of, so I figured out mine (the major one is seeking approval in everything I do and say), I understood where they come from and why I act like I do, how it has affected my life to date and how I can fix it.

I realized how my relationship with my parents has shaped the way I am in the world, my relationship with people (including coworkers) and with things (such as projects) as well as the way I communicate. I am somehow more self-aware and I realize more than ever how much is in my hands, and that I have the power to change my environment. It’s funny, I used to know this in my brain, and I thought I knew it, but the truth is that I realize how that I never really felt it; I sort of had a breakthrough and now see things way differently.

After realizing my patterns and because of the exercises we did, I’m able to let go of things that used to eat me up inside, short-term tiny things like a fight or the traffic and long-term things like how my parents raised me.

So, since the seminar, I’ve noticed a major change in my communications: I had a terrible relationship with my mom: always falling into her negative trap and struggling for air, whereas now I don’t let that shit fly! I may not be able to change her, but I sure as hell can change how I communicate with her and it’s become much easier and possible! I actually am able to have a real conversation (about real things, not the weather). I’m so proud of myself. I’ve also changed my communication in a similar way with my boyfriend, coworkers, and other people – I am used to reacting instead of responding reasonably and I am much more assertive and able to relax faster when stresses come up. Additionally, I am aware now of the negative behavioural patterns that people have and I can see them all around me and protect myself from getting absorbed into the negativity, mind games, etc.

Lastly, many of the exercises made me more aware of myself physically and emotionally. I live a lot more in the present and I have noticed a significant shift in my overall positivity.

This is what it brought for me in the last month and I am really grateful to have taken the risk in taking this course, and I encourage you to do the same if you see anything of value for yourself. I have increased my self-esteem, I improved my current relationships and communications, I am meeting new people and having good conversations with them, I also started to find hope in my career, I am able to deal with stress a lot easier, I live less inside my head and would say I am a LOT closer to inner peace. This seminar could also help you let go of illness if you have and increase your prosperity.

The seminar is called Open Heart (www.lyselebeau.com) and the next one is June 27^th (evening), June 28 (all day) June 29 (all day) and July 2^nd (evening).

If you have any questions or comments or would simply like to talk about it, please send your comments. I look forward to your reply, and have a nice day,

Miss K