6 months on a budget - Pros and Cons

It's been about 6 months - it will be at the end of this month - since I started being conscientious of my purchases to quit buying useless things and to save money. 

The initial idea last July was "let's see if we can save 1000$ each to buy a drone" but in the end, a drone wasn't worth 1000$ to me, but it was still useful for me to see if truly I could minimize my spending. 

So, after about 6 months, here are the observations I’ve made:

The positives

1.       More conscious of my tendencies and shopping habits

I do have a tendency to shop every 2-3 months and buy for a few hundred dollars. For example, when I come across cool and fashionable tendencies, it makes me want some of my own (PINEAPPLES!!). When there is a change in seasons, like the fall collection is out in a store I like, I have a tendency to want a new wardrobe, or spend a few hundred dollars on some new items.  Christmas also meant I wanted to have a bunch of extra seasonal items, like Christmas decorations for the tree (even though we already had a bunch), nice table decor for having people over (even though I hadn't had plans to host anyone), nice house decorations (but not enough space for new stuff!!) and of course gifts! I have a tendency to buy in excess, sometimes buying gifts even when I don't have a person in mind! (Are you an over-buyer or under-buyer?)

2.     I did become a mindful spender

With every purchase I questioned myself on the usefulness of what I wanted to buy and if I really had a use in mind, one that would last beyond one season.

Although on this project I don’t concentrate on saving money on groceries and going to the restaurant (dates or social activities), I’ve become a bit more conscious and smart about spending, for example “I spent a lot on fancy ingredients last month, I should focus on using them up or using my frozen items this month”.

I don’t actually have a numerical budget, as getting into the metrics would be a whole other project that I’m not willing to get into now (which I can do because I am not in debt, thankfully).

3.     I did buy less of certain items

I saved some money by not spending on delicious tea from my favorite tea store DavidsTea, books (since I already have a bunch I didn’t read), seasonal items (except some hand soaps………), home decorations (except a few that provided happy memories and those that my mister wanted to incorporate into our home – I didn’t want him to be negatively affected by my budgeting exercise)…

4.     More enjoyment from the things I do own

Not buying the new teas at DavidsTea was difficult, but I also was able to enjoy all the teas I do have, and benefit from the enjoyment of finishing a pack of tea that I’ve had for a while!

Not buying new books, I was able to pick up a book I already had and still hadn’t read!

5.     I became more generous

Since I didn’t want to spend money to fill up my home with useless stuff, I couldn’t buy myself the awesome cute amazing thing I found at that store I love, but someone else could benefit! I allowed myself to be a bit more generous with gifts. A little gift for a friend who was celebrating a birthday, a care package for a sick family member, an extra generous gift this year for Christmas.

The negatives

1.      I'm a little masochistic

Although I've decided not to buy things that are "fun" and "cool" but useless, or just temporary useful, I'm still subscribed to newsletters of my favorite stores, some that are stocked with temporary useful objects (Like Indigo Bookstore!). And not just that, I peruse the sales for "essential" items that are also awesome. The inner dialogue that it causes is less than pleasant as I go from "yes I want it so bad!" to "no, i don't need it" back and forth for several minutes, and sometimes several times in a day or week. When seasonal items, which I've sworn off, go on sale, it's torture and a half . I know I'd feel temporary pleasure, but I'd also use said items during a specific season. A great example of this was the pumpkin tureen in a previous blog post of my biggest teases!

2.     I still spent money

I bought a few cake pedestals for taking better pictures of my Gateaux Dulce cakes, some clothing when I ruined a couple items in the wash, some gorgeous frames to finally display some beautiful pictures from our Italy vacation, some hand soaps with holiday scents (hey, they’re consumable!), etc. As mentioned in the positives, I also was more generous in gifts! So, in terms of saving dollars, I’m not sure I succeeded much in that department.

In the end, there are more positives than negatives so the overall conclusion is it’s a good thing which I will be continuing for the next few months and hopefully beyond, setting good habits for the future!

*

Any ideas for saving money? What are some of your pros and cons of mindful spending?

Best purchases of 2015

Now that I've started a no-spending diet, I'm also slowly attempting to declutter. I'm finding more clarity on which items in my household are useless crap I bought for fun and which ones are excellent purchases.
As a way to honor my excellent purchases, I'm attempting to make a list in this blog, so that we can both, all of us, deepen our sense of appreciation for certain objects we own, and work on identifying value in other objects we own, or future objects we are about to purchase. 

1. Birkenstock sandals


I've had some knee problems in the last 3 summers because I tried playing squash, and my knees were not strong enough for the strain and I've had to do 3 rounds of physiotherapy and I am still at this time not very confident in getting back into it or impact sports in general. One big problem was shoes. None of my shoes had arch support, and I'd go through the summer in flat flip flops and year-round in a variety of other flat support-less shoes. I'd seen these shoes on a few people and they all swear by their Birkenstocks, so I thought I'd give it a go. Best shoe purchase ever! They are basically the only thing I wear in the summer.

2.  Iced Tea travel mug (DavidsTea)

So, I bought this mug (in fuchsia), and it's the best mug I've ever had. It contains 16 oz, and keeps liquids cold or warm all day. I don't even use the diffuser basket or the tea compartment and it's worth my money. I use it every day 3 times a day for hot tea, cold tea, carrying ice... It's my best mate. (That and tea from DavidsTea of course. I've also discovered cold steeping, which is totally awesome! I could probably write a full blog just on tea...)

3. Non slip mat (I bought a small roll at the dollar store)

I bake cakes. I sell cakes, and then I have to transport them by car to destination. 9 times out of ten, it leaves the house looking nice and on the way, something gets stuck in the icing and ruins my overall look, and I have to do some touch-ups. Actually, it's a miracle when it survives the journey!! 

When, last April, this cake (left), turned into this (after a big fall, some touching up, right), 

I bought the non-slip mat and then my cake travels have been spared the squished sides that used to be so familiar to me! Thank you dollar store! (note that larger cake boards and boxes add to the experience!)

4. Memory foam pillow

I can't show a picture of mine, because I got it IKEA but they no longer carry the pillow I have. It supports my head, I'm a side sleeper, and I haven never slept so good in my life. 

5- Double-wall glasses 

Sort of the same as #2 above, but I don't know if boiling water would be that great of an idea for this one... Super useful for iced tea! I'd like to mention that I discovered cold steeping tea - don't need to boil water! - such an amazing idea! 

Jealousy

A new pattern for me: jealousy

Jealousy isn’t something I am altogether familiar with…well, yes and no. Yes I am familiar with the heart ache I feel with jealousy, when someone I know has something I don’t and that I feel shitty for not being at the same place, but No in the sense that it’s rare that I get jealous. I must more often get that feeling just because I am judging myself: “I should be more like ____, but I’m not, and I hate myself for it”

I just got jealous again. My friend who’s shown me that she’s changed so much after taking a personal development class, I got inspired to do the same. I too have gone through a lot of positive changes. Now she’s totally changed careers and she’s starting her own business… and that’s what set off that feeling of “I’m not good enough” followed by “and I am never going to be.”

I took a moment to calm down and thought it through. Emotions are useful: they tell us something and figuring out what they are trying to tell us is Emotional Intelligence. This jealousy is telling me that I would like to eventually own a business. It is also telling me that I want to be excited about work, as she was.

And finally I can’t just push aside jealousy, by putting it into a small box for a rainy day. No – feel it, and accept it. It’s okay to be jealous. Now take action. You want to find career happiness, Karen? well go and find it. There is no other way. I’m sure she has gone through jealousy herself, and gone through a lot of negative emotions before finding something for her. Also, I can’t expect to have the same pathway to happiness as her, as our pasts are not at all the same, and our selves are two entirely different people.

I feel better already.

(PS. Reading material: http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/08/01/the-real-reason-youre-jealous-of-your-friends-success/2/)

Anonymous free lattes

I just finished sending anonymously free latte coupons to a few of my coworkers (free holiday latte at Tim Horton’s) 

I’m seeing a trend where I like giving anonymous gifts, and not dealing with their reactions. Or seeing their reactions but not being there when they are pleased. I thought, hey I just like being nice, and I think I also sort of wish these people pay it forward and grow in their own ways, to be better people. Perhaps it is somewhat selfish to be around people who would pay it forwards, but at the same time it is very selfless in the fact that I am giving for the sake of giving and not expecting anything in return (which is awesome!)

At the same time, it makes me wonder – is there a fear that I have? Probably: I’ve recently had an “aha!” moment realizing I have a fear of intimacy, in the way that I can’t pay a compliment and look someone in the eye, or be confrontation and look them in the eye, or be vulnerable in any way and look at them in the eye. As soon as I say something personal, nice or mean, I look away. As soon as I’ve said what I wanted to say, I look away, afraid to see what happens and be present for the reaction. When it’s a compliment I am paying, or something nice, often I will defend myself or not take ownership “well, it was going to happen anyway”. Another way I fear intimacy: I have a way of skipping over the bonding, “how are you?” part of a conversation to just get to the point… while other times, I’ll only ask about the other person so that I don’t have to say anything about myself (and be vulnerable).

The challenge here will be to say “I’m the one who sent it to you”, look that person in the eye until their reaction comes, and just listen and accept whatever the reaction is with humility and respond calmly if necessary. “It was my pleasure.”

Secret Agent K

Five things that make me happy this week

1. Baking , especially when it's to raise funds, and I don't have to do the raising. 

I made marshmallows flavored with Cream of Earl Grey tea from DavidsTea (the recipe is here), and I also made apple turnovers, which were both surprisingly easy to make. We raised money for Centraide. The department at my work was organizing. So many sweets were made and about 400$ were raised! Wonderful!

2. Leaving anonymous gifts to put smiles on people's faces! Inspired by Secret Agent L.

I left these at the gym! Random Acts of Kindness is the way to go :)

3. Complimenting people by way of post-its, idea from Operation Beautiful

This one I put up on a car at the gym. I'd have done it for more cars, but it was raining and I didn't have an umbrella! It will definitely brighten someone's day!

4. Made a cake for my friend's birthday! It's a butter pecan cake with whipped cream frosting. It was a total hit at the party! I may one day start making cakes for money  - wouldn't that be something? 

5. Pretty boxes for cupcakes I  just ordered from my friend's company Georgette Packaging

Have a lovely week!

Happy K

Getting out of the vicious circle

"If you feed the madness, it feeds on you" from the episode I JUST watched in Once Upon a Time

A few "bad" things (it's a matter of perspective, don't you think?) happened in a row and it snowballed: I lost control of myself then got into a doom & gloom mood for a couple of weeks, a "phase". In that phase, which I've had before a few times, I go down hard on myself, and then hate myself for everything I do. It's the harsh self-talk that goes on in my head when I'm not doing something fun. I do do fun things that make me temporarily happy and forget, which I think is part of the reason I get out of the negativity phase eventually, but they feel like escapes. Because when those fun things end, I go back to the black cloud mood where it's easy to be mad, it's easy to hate, it's easy to blame. 

I had this twice since I went to Open Heart in April 2014, and got out of it consciously, using the tools I got from the seminar. Because of that course, I'm aware and conscious. It sucks, but it's good at the same time because I know what I need to do. It sucks because it adds another reason to hate myself (therefore, vicious circle), but it's good because, as I ruin, blame, cry, get angry and wish bad things on people who didn't do anything, I also put time to exercise, do my written exercises that I learned from the seminar, take time to do breathing exercises, and meditations that inspire me, because I know those work. 

But man, is it hard to start, to put effort and be uncomfortable! But starting, well, that's non-optional for where I want to go!

I have motivation to find the happy version of me, it's really good, and I'm so thankful to have found a way to get there, even if I have to do it over and over .

People and sites I follow that inspire me:
http://instagram.com/maddykatelier
http://mindvalleyacademy.com/
http://cupcakesandcashmere.com/ (special mention for her newest post my-5-steps-for-tackling-anxiety)

October

I cannot believe it is already October, and I cannot believe I had forgotten about this blog for the last couple of months. I was reminded of it because it’s fall now, in full swing, with leaves turning yellow, orange, red and brown, falling away, and the cold it has brought in. I love fall! I remember that in fall of last year, I was giving out small gifts around the office and other places, inspired by Secret Agent L, and posting “you’re beautiful” notes, inspired by Operation Beautiful. As I signed up for Movember again, I remembered last year my post-its aimed at men. And I remember that although I’ve gone through a lot of emotional pain in the last year, my heart was in the right place a year ago. That person felt hope drift away for herself, but knew that spreading love to others would help mend her broken heart. The Me now loves herself a helluva lot more – anything is a helluva lot more than zero – and still wants to spread the love to others. I’m becoming the person I want to be. Love myself AND others. That’s what life is about!

And so, on that note, I'm setting up a to-do list for October. My inspiration comes from an old post by Emily Schumann of Cupcakes and Cashmere, one of my favorite blogs.

1. Bake 3 pumpkin recipes

2. Go Hiking

3. Drop anonymous gifts (Secret Agent L-style)

4. Recruit a friend to grow a stache and raise funds/awareness for Movember

5. Complete class Science of Happiness on edX.org 

7. Meditate to build intuition and to ground myself

8. Work out 3x / week to get fit for my Hawaii trip in December

9. Help host a fall party 

10. Practice gratitude by counting 3 good things every day

What's on your list this season?

Be happy now

I've been watching a lot of videos on MindValley's various websites, and here's one that I watched yesterday and it marked me more than the others: it's about gratitude. Instead of thinking along the lines of "I'll celebrate when I get a promotion" or "I'll be happy when I own a red camaro", instead of waiting two years to be happy (and in two years, you'll know you'll just have some other goal 2 years after that), instead of postponing happiness, you must take it now, choose happiness now, be happy with what you have now, because the present it all you have. 

Somehow all this I just wrote, I knew it before, I always knew it but it never really clicked until recently (a weekend seminar I took really did it for me), so I encourage you to keep learning and keep remembering it until it really clicks and it becomes easy to do. Keep trying, you'll get there, be confident in the process. You're on the right path.

So, back to that, the above concept is from this guy Dan Sullivan and his theory "the Gap". Here, watch this video from Mind Valley. 

The concept is to instead celebrate the you now compared to the you from two years ago. That's called Gratitude. And gratitude comes easily when you're on the right track (once it "clicks") but until then, practicing gratitude even if difficult at first will bring more gratitude easily into your life. That's happiness. Embrace it.

So, to finish, I want to add this "Happiness Challenge" image I found on Pinterest. It comes from this site. It's true, everyone's ultimate goal is happiness, but happiness is a feeling, a momentary emotion. Choose happiness today, and build it into your life using simple gratitude processes, such as those below.  



Good Luck!

The blog's first "What's So" : a Current-reality reality-check

Dear Internet,

I know I don't have readers, and actually this blog is actually my online diary. In a recent course that I did, last April 2014, I realized a lot of things about me, about my past, about my parents, and understood a lot about why I am the way I am, what I've been lugging around (behavioural patterns) and how I can clean myself right up to be this bright brand-spankin'-new me out in the world, as if for the first time. 

The point is not to heal by learning something new but by unlearning limiting behaviours... Something like that - I saw this quote on a site about meditation, that I really liked. This seminar that I did focused on psychological patterns that humans have, and looking into our parents identities to see if we have strings in common, then acquiring tools to allow us to deal with those things, and let the past go. Take a decision to be your own person now.

I know I've had issues being my own person in the last months....years...my whole life, really. I don't remember many times when I stood up in front of a crowd speaking my mind on my own free will, or when I stood up for myself after being made fun of or verbally agressed, or when I didn't let that shit fly before it even happened, or when I stood up for someone else without thinking of the consequences. Somewhere down the line, I lost my sense of self, and only now am I trying to get it back.

I probably lost never really had a sense of myself... In this culture, I don't think that mindfulness and body awareness are taught. At least, a few months ago, the only thing I was listening for in my body was hunger or need to use the bathroom. Kids are probably really aware of their body. I of course don't remember being a kid much, let alone being a baby, but I would think the whole reason a baby cries is because he's learning to be in his own body, learning to use it, learning to understand the world, learning and absorbing. I also read somewhere that kids have a really good understanding of whether they are hungry or thirsty, and that that ability is one you lose through the years. That article said that actually a lot of adults confuse them and eat when in fact they are hungry... I don't know how true that is, but I definitely know I can't really tell when I'm thirsty, and I definitely stopped paying attention to my body a long time ago. 

This TEDtalk video I watched the other day, about how education kills creativity - a must-watch, seriously... said at some point that a lot of those intellectual professors, etc, see their body as a way to get from A to B, something that carries their brain from seminar to seminar! Haha that's interesting imagery, but that's actually what I've been feeling like.... that is, being "in the head", analyzing every single situation, acquiring data, testing, analyzing, estimating, judging, watching, as if every situation is a scientific experiment. I've come to notice that I've got a lot of suppressed emotion - a direct result of over-analyzing situations instead of acting, but then also keeping emotions to myself, just because I've assumed, in my head, that the person I'm talking to doesn't really need to know what I have to say, or how I feel. I don't think I ever really learned how to express emotion and be proactive in tuning in to other people's emotions (ok that I can do), but actually being proactive about helping them out, asking what they need, instead of assuming the person will figure him/herself out. 

So, all that to say, that I've decided to stop over-analyzing my posts, to stop worrying about coming out with a structured post with not a lot of information for the small brains. I'm much better off writing this blog from the heart, and breathing and being present as I write this. I'm much better off speaking without barriers, because, to be honest, I've had barriers up my whole life and it's time to bring those down. 

So, maybe I'm going to be a bit, or a lot, all-over-the-place in this blog. Without really knowing what I'm going to write about until I get there. I am just listening to myself, to my feelings, and I'm leaving my "What's So", a current-reality check. And this is the new me. Say Hi!

Until next time,
Miss K

'Open Heart' seminar that changed my life as I knew it

Dear reader,

I’m writing because I took this really interesting weekend 30-hour seminar in April in Montreal, QC and I thought I’d share it with you because it really changed my perspective, improved my self-esteem and awareness in general. Also If you are interested in bettering yourself, like I am, you might find something of value in my experience.

This weekend seminar is called Open Heart and, in a few words, deals with breathing, self-awareness and introspection. So I went to this weekend seminar because I wanted to get rid of stress I was having at my job due to projects (my hard time completing them) and stress related to my relationships with my coworkers (who are nice and evil and really screw with my mind). I received tips and tricks for dealing with the stress, but what I got out of this seminar went a lot deeper than that: I realized my stress wasn’t just about my projects and my coworkers, but it went a lot deeper into my sub-conscious.

We examined negative repetitive patterns that everyone has at least a bit of, so I figured out mine (the major one is seeking approval in everything I do and say), I understood where they come from and why I act like I do, how it has affected my life to date and how I can fix it.

I realized how my relationship with my parents has shaped the way I am in the world, my relationship with people (including coworkers) and with things (such as projects) as well as the way I communicate. I am somehow more self-aware and I realize more than ever how much is in my hands, and that I have the power to change my environment. It’s funny, I used to know this in my brain, and I thought I knew it, but the truth is that I realize how that I never really felt it; I sort of had a breakthrough and now see things way differently.

After realizing my patterns and because of the exercises we did, I’m able to let go of things that used to eat me up inside, short-term tiny things like a fight or the traffic and long-term things like how my parents raised me.

So, since the seminar, I’ve noticed a major change in my communications: I had a terrible relationship with my mom: always falling into her negative trap and struggling for air, whereas now I don’t let that shit fly! I may not be able to change her, but I sure as hell can change how I communicate with her and it’s become much easier and possible! I actually am able to have a real conversation (about real things, not the weather). I’m so proud of myself. I’ve also changed my communication in a similar way with my boyfriend, coworkers, and other people – I am used to reacting instead of responding reasonably and I am much more assertive and able to relax faster when stresses come up. Additionally, I am aware now of the negative behavioural patterns that people have and I can see them all around me and protect myself from getting absorbed into the negativity, mind games, etc.

Lastly, many of the exercises made me more aware of myself physically and emotionally. I live a lot more in the present and I have noticed a significant shift in my overall positivity.

This is what it brought for me in the last month and I am really grateful to have taken the risk in taking this course, and I encourage you to do the same if you see anything of value for yourself. I have increased my self-esteem, I improved my current relationships and communications, I am meeting new people and having good conversations with them, I also started to find hope in my career, I am able to deal with stress a lot easier, I live less inside my head and would say I am a LOT closer to inner peace. This seminar could also help you let go of illness if you have and increase your prosperity.

The seminar is called Open Heart (www.lyselebeau.com) and the next one is June 27^th (evening), June 28 (all day) June 29 (all day) and July 2^nd (evening).

If you have any questions or comments or would simply like to talk about it, please send your comments. I look forward to your reply, and have a nice day,

Miss K

Put a smile on your face!

Yesterday, I went into my yoga class happy to have finished the day. Soon enough, I find that I can't find my sense of balance and I have small pains here and there, and that I can't seem to hold a pose for more than 1 second. Soon enough, I start saying to myself that I suck and that I am not good at yoga. Also I cried a bit during Shavasana (a first). Needless to say, I had become in a bad mood, and needed to see this list asap. Sparkpeople is a site I like, and I've used it to count calories and exercise for a few months. There are some pretty good suggestions. Might I add: opening a bottle of wine and watching a favorite quirky tv show (since yoga didn't work). I knew that for me, I probably needed rest so when I got home, I went straight to bed.

Less-than-happy K (a note on courtesy)

I'm supposed to be Happy K but lately I just find things that make me Mediocrely-happy-K. But, at least I am Aware-K who is also Working-on-being-happy-K.

Currently, the issue is keeping calm when people don't respond to my emails or texts or invitations right away, or ever. For example, I asked one friend 3 times by text message and once by facebook if she wanted to go with me to the Ballet, and that over the last month and no answer yet... That's only one example. 

I have issues receiving a "yes" to invitations that I sometimes make, be it to one person, or several, friends, acquaintances or coworkers. The current situation (inviting five REAL friends by Facebook Messages and getting zero replies) makes me think the problem was asking several people (5) at once. If I really wanted to go to the Ballet with someone, I'd have asked people individually, right? I'd take up most of my day to email or call and follow up many times. Note that these people had previously expressed interest in joining me!

I got me wondering, how many times am I required to follow-up? How many texts should I send before giving up? and what am I doing wrong so that people don't bother replying? Is it a coincidence that everyone in the thread accidentally forgot or had way too much going on in their lives to remember? 

So, a dozen Google searches later (the first ones only coming up with social-media related invitations.......don't people care anymore about real manners and real live hanging out?) I found a site that addresses ways to invite people out, and, using the second link, how to get them to say yes!

http://www.succeedsocially.com/invitingpeopleoutexamples 
http://www.copyblogger.com/get-to-yes/

I just wish more people applied common courtesy in their lives. Just because I have used facebook to invite my friends, doesn't mean I want you to treat it like a Facebook event! (i.e. don't answer, maybe means no, yes doesnt necessarily mean yes)....Either I have always had this problem, or maybe Facebook is the problem... 

Anyway, if there is anyone reading this blog, please remember your social manners and be courteous to people who invite you to do anything! Thanks!

Here's a short list of etiquette that people seem to forget:
http://www.affluentmagazine.com/articles/article/371 

yours,
Still-hopeful-K

Stop manipulation!

What I find difficult today is dealing with manipulative people.

Change can be good, even the most negative experiences can bring out happy moments, learning experiences, new friends, etc. But there can easily be more bad out of a situation than good, and that’s usually something that tells you that more change needs to happen.

A co-worker, let’s call him Steven, has moved to the group many months ago and it has since modified the group dynamic, and I don’t like it… Sure, it has made me realize all the sorts of things that I do not tolerate or that I let myself tolerate, and consequently things I need to change about myself (don’t care as much about people that don’t care about me, don’t care what people thing, do things for me and not for anyone else, etc.). But, this guy is, basically, in one word, aggressive. He’s not violent or physically aggressive, nor does he use strong words, but he makes people (me!) around him uncomfortable in his mannerisms and words. He verbally aggresses people by making fun of them, and manipulates others. Worse, he’s nice one-on-one, with few such aggressive aspects, but in a group he is dangerous. In addition, he’s sort of the Alpha male, leading everyone together, but conjunctively we all become his puppets. I say “we” because I too have been victim. Actually, I trusted him until he used my information, things I have told him in confidence, against me to destroy my relationships with other coworkers. Now I cannot trust his smile nor his friendliness in any situation.

I have determined that he is manipulative. He bullies, makes people feel bad about themselves, and thinks that he is superior to everyone else (and that he has the Power over the rest of us). Here’s proof: he’s got a puppet! That is, another co-worker, let’s call him Joey. Joey sits beside Steven, asking Steven many questions about his life, how he has gotten to this point, financial questions, life questions, work questions, people questions (it’s very annoying). More importantly, Joey follows Steven around, only goes to the social activities Steven does and let’s be honest, is becoming like Steven. Joey was (yes, was) a really nice guy, one-on-one or in a group, he stayed true to himself, and that was really awesome! When Steven showed up, he sort of lost the nice personality and started taking on one of “Steven’s apprentice”, or “Steven’s puppet”. And, when someone pisses him off, he makes his puppet stop talking to that someone too. Steven feeds on other people’s weakness.  He’s fed on mine much too much also, but that is over now!!

I’m not very assertive, but trying to be! He’s trying to manipulate me and I have to say no! I have to stand my ground, but I also have to become distant, passive, stop caring about everything, stop trying to change them, and stop being annoyed with their behaviours. I am trying to be indifferent towards my coworkers’ stupidities! Clearly I am not there yet, since I’m currently very annoyed as I write this, but at least I am aware of what I need to change and also I have resisted against his manipulations.

So dealing with a manipulative person:

1) Have to stay calm, relaxed, think about something else if you have to
2) Have to say no when I don’t want to. I have to remember that everything he says is for himself and that he doesn’t care about me. I must remember that. I need to think about me also!
3) Have to move on to another conversation topic

I like the points from this article as well, http://www.sheerbalance.com/mind-body/6-steps-to-stop-being-manipulated/ which is "6 steps to stop being manipulated". Also this article, http://lifehacker.com/5672291/how-to-manipulate-people which breaks down manipulation into a number of smaller aspects, which sort of sheds a light on the whole thing and would help you develop an anti-venom against manipulators.

Good luck!

15 Tips To Turn That Frown Upside Down!

This article "15 Things to Give Up to be Happy" is awful. I've seen it multiple times over the internet, I'm not really sure who's the real source behind it anymore... I think this is a really awful article because 1) it's really negative (stop this, stop that, don't be this, don't be that - no one responds well to negative commands!) and 2) it makes happiness a destination, a goal. When in reality, people who are happy don't actually TRY to be happy. Trying to be happy is the opposite of being happy! It's so frustrating....

Ok breathe... 

Be zen...

So, according to me, this is the way the article should go:

1) Accept that you are sometimes wrong.

2) Let situations, people and things be as they are. You can only control yourself. Relax and go with the flow. 

3) Take responsibility of your life. You are the only person who can control your actions and make changes to your life and your personality.

4) Believe in yourself. Keep a positive outlook on yourself. You are beautiful and you are loved.

5) Believe in yourself. You can do anything! The sky is the limit!

6) Your point of view and your emotions are controled by you only. Turn your complaints off, you dont need to be upset if you dont want to be!

7) Let them be. Let other people live their own journeys. Everyone wants love and happiness; we're all looking for the same thing, so let them find it at their own rate and in their own way.

8) Be yourself - and that's what will impress others!

9) Accept chabge. Change is ok. Know that there is always something good that comes out of change.

10) Be open minded to new experiences and welcome learning. You will be better for it.

11) Just do it! Fear is in your head. Think of it as strength and courage.

12) Just do it! Excuses are lies in your head. Excuses are a waste of precious time. You only have one life.

13) Live in the present. Take a breather and live for right now. How do you feel right now and how would you rather feel right now. Be the best you at this given moment. Forget the past and the future, its not worth losing time over something that doesn't exist.

14) Be at peace, be zen, be tolerant, be serene. That is how you let go.

15) Be you and be yourself. Listen to yourself, your mind, your body, your heart. Live your life to the fullest. 

And honestly, these guidelines have already helped me on numerous occasions and have already started to transform me into a better me. Whereas that other article? Makes me want to crawl into a ball in the corner. 

Love, K

Bookmarks of kindness

There are a lot of websites and blogs dedicated to making random people happy. It's crazy how many people experience a down and are in need of kindness to pick up their moods and make their days brighter. I'm one of them! 

Here are a few inspirational websites and blogs I'd like to share:

- Operation Beautiful, who posts sticky notes anonymously anywhere to promote positive self-image, and posts notes of other people around the globe. Here are some interesting sites as part of her resources. 
- Secret Agent L, who drops small gifts anonymously around her city (and the help of affiliated agents in other cities) to improve people's days and moods. One person performed 21 acts of kindness on her birthday instead of receiving gifts: now, that's inspirational!

- Random Acts of Kindness, which is a foundation to promote random good deeds. Here's a list of ideas.  Turns out, we just missed World Kindness Day (Wednesday, November 13th, 2013) but I'm happy to know that I was writing happy sticky notes on that day!

- More love letters, who writes love letters to people who send in snail-mail addresses. I think now, people everywhere are sending mini-notes, similarly to Operation Beautiful. People everywhere are also responding to love letter requests.
-You Are Remarkable, which is dedicated to making people feel loved, important, and remarkable in every way. 
-Hope is in the cards, which simply encourages us to send notes of "hope" with thanks or encouragement. 
-Pay it forward, which lists acts of kindness to perform and hopefully the receiver will pay it forward. I like this E-How link: How to Pay it Forward.
-Love Anonymously, which is sort of what started my blog and journey here. Here is a list of some interesting kindness sites. 
-Color Me Katie, which is just Katie doing random colorful happy activities, but all the posts just make you happy! For example this post, How to make a bad day better. 

And that's all I have right now, but I'm sure there will be many more added to this list in the coming months. 

Smile!

Inspirational Sounds Sunday

5 songs to find inspiration, to be a better me, to find inner peace, to love myself!

1. Stronger - Kelly Clarkson

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone

2. The Climb - Miley Cyrus

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

3. So much love - Fedde Le Grand

The only lyric to mention here is "I've got so much love to give".

4. Invincible - Hedley

I've come a long, long way,
Made a lot of mistakes,
But I'm breathing, breathing,
That's right
And I mean it, mean it
This time
I'm a little run down,
I've been living out loud.
I can beat it, beat it,
That's right,
'cause I'm feeling, feeling,
Invincible.

5. Inner Ninja - Classified

I read the rules before I broke 'em
I broke the chains before they choked me out
And I pay close attention
Really learn the code
I learned to read the map before I hit the road

Nobody's gonna see me comin'
Nobody's gonna hear a sound
No matter how hard they tryin'
No stoppin' me since I've found
My inner ninja

Find some other ones on this link: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/30-inspirational-songs-that-keep-you-motivated-for-life.html