Two steps forward, one step back

We, humans, are by no means perfect. So striving for perfection is futile; rather, aim for progress! Two steps forward and one step back is still progress, and so we just learn from our back-steps but they don't necessarily equal failure. 

I have to tell myself that, as I struggle to beat myself down when I buy things and I've told myself not to. But it's okay, it totally happens and it's not the end of the world. So I bought frames, at least I'm going to add photos for an added value home that showcases good memories. Not only can we learn from our mistakes, we can spin them to be positive based on our perspective. We make choices. 

The fact is that I still spend money, but rather than increasing a tea collection that I won't finish up until mid- to late- 2016, I'm spending on things that will allow me to grow in one way or another: 

1. Baking supplies

Since I started a baking business (facebook page / GateauxDulce), my time concerned on it has been little. As my entrepreneur friend Sarah told me "It's not a business if you don't have business"; she's right. I'll have to make a goal of actually selling cakes to be able to call it a business. But one thing is also certain: I will have to practice to sell beautiful cakes. And in the last month, I delivered 3 cakes including my first wedding cake. Yes, I bought baking supplies, but I've got 4 potential orders in the backlog : one where I will make cupcakes in exchange for a bottle of port, one birthday cake (scheduled), one gluten-free cake (potential), and I'll be having some bake sales at work to raise funds for charity. 

Look at what I've been able to accomplish with some supplies!! I'm so very proud!

2. Frames

I have been staring at these frames for a long time ...They're on page 12 of my Indigo Wishlist!!! Yes, the plan always has been and still is to print photos from Italy (and possibly some of Greece) that are relaxing to always think about our trip when I see the pictures, recollecting good souvenirs. There is a lot of benefit added to this personal project. One, I won't be accomplishing it on my own, therefore a couple's project. Two, finally get rid of those ikea frames that mean nothing. Three, increased happiness from reminiscing of happy moments abroad. And I got them at 25% off! YAY!

3. Cake pedestals

Okay I totally did not NEED cake pedestals, but it ended up being worth it, especially one with a ruffle that (not shown) was used to display the wedding cake shown above. The result was so beautiful, it brought emotion to my throat (i.e. the step before tears to my eyes). I got one beautiful china one for a 6" cake, one 8-9" white ceramic ruffle one that I just mentioned, and one made of wood (actually I bought a wood round cake board and a wood carved candle stick, which, when used together, can make a nice rustic-look pedestal). They do take a lot of room yes, but they are worth it. Why? Because taking beautiful pictures of cakes is part of growing the business. It's part of the marketing, and the way one gets likes on social media! Very important. I shall however restrain myself from making additional cake pedestal purchases! So here is the final selection:

4. Gifts 

Since I don't want to spend money on useless gifts for myself, things that give instant gratification, things may not remain interesting for very long, then I allow myself to do so towards another. They might not like the gift but our relationship is better because I've put a little extra time considering what may make them feel good. I put together a care package recently, and although it wasn't cheap, it was worth it!

5. Experiences

Even though I try to cut down on spending, I actually do still spend about the same  amount of money in total, because we go out to eat every now and then, we go to shows. I attended the SAQ Grande Degustation last week, and I'll be going to Sugar Sammy on December 5th! Looking forward to that! Experiences we grow from, we create memories, and sure it takes funds, but in the end, it's worth it and that's what you really need to think about when making purchases!



So the lesson is, not all first perceived failures can really be described as failures, as I am still progressing and I buy things with value added. I ask myself "Is it worth it?" and "Will I take enjoyment from this in the long term?", and if the answer is yes, then go for it! 

Money concerns both people in a couple.

It happened on a normal evening, all I did was say that I didn't want to buy an expensive new coffee machine, even though yes the coffee did sound delicious. I said I'm trying not to spend on things I didn't need, and I said I was aiming for a minimalist lifestyle. The word "minimalist" set off a bomb of fear from my partner, he freaked-out at the thought of a radical change in my lifestyle that did not include him. Here's an article for you, mister: The Minimalists (click the link for full article).

Minimalism is not a radical lifestyle. Minimalism is a tool I use to get rid of unnecessary stuff and live a meaningful life—a life filled with happiness, freedom, and conscious awareness.

Since we had some big discussion about the purchase of a drone a few months back, it started with a friendly competition on who can save the most money (however difficult that is to measure) and it turned into a serious evaluation of my spending habits. On my birthday I received a cookbook and for the first time I did not want a cookbook, because I already maximized the space I had for cookbooks, but I started noticing all around how many things I had bought because I knew I needed or wanted, and now I have a serious lack of space everywhere in our house. 

A house, so roomy compared to an apartment, so I've permitted myself to own more things, but now, now I realize how so many things get lost and how I don't remember where I've placed certain things, and how they don't actually bring me happiness. Basically, I just have too much stuff, and  like a drop that makes the vase overflow, I realized it all at once, all it took was one too many cookbooks.  

But back to the point, the reason he freaked out was probably related to some fears that I'm losing my mind or that life will become boring, based on his views of what "minimalism" meant, but isn't necessarily the same as what I understand it to be. 

But this led me to wonder to what extent did my minimalism journey negatively affect others while benefiting me? How many expenditures can I really cut when the partner in my life is not cutting out unnecessary expenses? Does beautifying our home and buying kitchen gadgets to make our common lives better fit into the "useless spending" category? Where is the line between fun, useful and meaningful? I've got to think of it before making a decision. For example, perhaps buying frames for travel photos might be okay (will bring us both happiness) while a new coffee machine might not be okay (only bringing him happiness). 

But even then, couple life is about compromises and so I will probably end up still purchasing items that I don't particularly enjoy,  but he does and so I concede. That can happen.

Sources of inspiration 

1. Blonde on a Budget http://blondeonabudget.ca/2014/07/07/the-year-i-plan-to-embrace-minimalism/

The fine line

There's a fine line between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour, and that fine line exists everywhere. So if you were to draw all the fine lines that people metaphorically walk on, or beside, there would be one everywhere we looked, there are so many. And worse, if we drew my line and your line on the same subject, and colored in the space between, well, we wouldn't see in front of us at all.

This week, the fine line has been on my mind constantly. I'll talk about those more prominent lines I experienced in the last few days.

The fine line between being funny and offending

This one happened to me big time today. Yesterday's funny picture I made about my coworker made everyone laugh wholeheartedly, but was a really bad joke today that warranted immediate action. By respect for him, I deleted the picture, the emails, all links to it, and then cleared my recycle bin. I was so proud of it too, and we laughed the big laugh together - the kind of laugh that gets me coughing for the next 2 hours. Oh, what a nice laugh it was. But I've managed to offend. 

It's about trust and relationship - have I managed to create a sense of relation with this person? Does he trust me enough? The answer is : No, he doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust me, because I sent it to someone (someone I trust). He doesn't know I wouldn't hurt him. He's my favorite person in all the company and he doesn't know it.  Because of that, the line gets blurred. My line isn't the same as his line. 

The fine line between discipline and punishment/violence

I've been having big questions  - will I ever want kids? I really feel right now like I don't have what it takes to be a parent . My kids would end up more messed up than me, what with a mother who has trouble dealing with negativity, people, who compares herself and blames herself for a lot of shortcomings, and a potential father who well, has his own set of faults (he's got some good sides too). 

A good friend of mine just got a puppy. They are trying to train him, to be a disciplined and caring dog. They've decided not to "punish", as in be physically violent, though a lot of discipline techniques are physical, so what's the line between violence and discipline?

As a kid, I remember thinking many time that my mom was my enemy for forcing me to ___ (fill in the blank) but ended up realizing later it was a good idea (but never admitting it). Those are instances where they've stood their ground and I HATED it, like I thought I deserved a better life, and I thought I was unjustly being punished. I thought it was violence, and aggressiveness, and was only there to make me hurt. How my line had been different from my parents' line. To them, it had just been discipline, and was necessary. 

So, no matter what I try to discipline my children, they'll think something else. And no matter how violence-free my friends think they are raising their dog, we'll never know who the dog perceives being touched when he's angry. It's a matter of perspective! (Everything is a matter of perspective)

The fine line between being caring and obsessing & between assertive and defensive

There are things I really care about, but when I speak about them more than once, I am often told to stop "preaching to the choir". It seems to others sometimes as if I obsess in an unhealthy way, however what I see is something that drives me, that inspires me. I am not trying to convince those around me that they should change their opinions... What I wan't is for the other person to think about it and engage me in a meaningful discussion. It gets to a point where I end up defending myself, where I should be speaking my mind. 

What I've found out here is that the difference lies in 1) my interest in what the other person thinks of me and 2) how I see myself/my confidence. 



All in all, due to this week's theme of "the thin line", I've realized that my self-confidence is being tested since I still care about what other people think of me and whether they judge me. It's a fear I need to take hold of, understand, accept and move on - i.e. don't let it bother me as I keep putting myself in action. The confidence and self-respect will come!

Keep the faith,

Happy K

1st Tip on Building Relationships

Hi there

My new interest is LinkedIn Updates, a sort of news feed with interesting articles. After posting a few shares with a small comment, hardly difficult, I was asked whether I wanted to join LinkedIn as a Publisher. Hmm, interesting. I don't know if I am good enough at writing to actually publish anything of value, and I would definitely want to post something of value if anything at all, but I added that feature to my profile nonetheless. 

Since my steps towards betterment with my personal development courses and home work, I felt a sort-of wave of understanding towards the people and world around me and an inspiration to motive those people to take similar steps or to simply be slightly happier or take steps to better themselves. In other words, I found a way to contribute to the world. 

It's important to have a reason to contribute, a darma, a personal life path/purpose, even if it's vague, or just a gut feeling. 

I don't know what I'd write about, I figure I'd use this blog as a way to collect my thoughts. Afterall, no readers, yet accessible. I want others to see that it's possible to have questions and be uncertain, and be all sorts of unhappy while also taking steps to find that happiness, take it back, choose it and work on yourself.

One thing I can think of right now is that to build a relationship with anyone, boss, friend, sister, coworker or anyone, it's important to be open and honest. It doesn't mean divulge all your deepest secrets, but it means, don't expect the truth and openness from the other person if you're not ready to give it out yourself. One coworker told me in an attempt to give advice, that being open at work is a sign of weakness. I used to believe that, so much that it ruled my entire life from day one to a few months ago. I still do unconsciously.... But boy is that wrong. 

No wonder I have had troubles building trusting relationships with my coworkers (I want to trust them to be honest and reasonable with me and anyone)! How could I expect them to open up and be real if I wouldn't let the real Karen out? 

Think about it, it starts with body language. You wouldn't approach someone who looks grumpy, but rather go to someone who seems happy or peaceful, for whatever reason. So, basically if you want anything from the other person, they have to first feel like they can get something from you - it's like a payment I guess, but it's true. First you open up - it's a risk, but it's worth it. You say "hi, how are you?" if they say "good, you?" you won't want to say anything more than "good" also. But if they build a story around how they're feeling, you're likely to give the same sort of response. 

So, that's something I would need to fix up a little before sharing........

Balanced Assertivity

I struggle with being the correct level of assertive. I am a push-over then I am pushy. I am working to eliminate the push-over side and it's working. Then I say one thing and I am pushy. 

What's pushy anyway? If you close up and shut down, you've been exposed to someone who is pushy. I think when Martine and Sylvain called me to do the Leadership program they were being pushy. 

But then I build the relationship with my mom, let her open up to me for a few weeks, ask her questions for introspection, but as soon as I talk about 'the course', it becomes pushy?!? How does one word change the conversation? How does it go from being open to being closed and I become shut out? Am i pushy or is she closed for support? Why is it too often?

But it's not just my mom. It's my mom, my sister and my boyfriend. Maybe more, but they're the ones who have said it. That means it's something I do. What do i do that makes people close up and shut down? 

You have to ask yourself: do I close up and shut down? am I afraid of support? Was it that I didn't build the relationship enough? Am I afraid of intimacy?

I think I am open to support. Probably too open. Though, I don't necessarily apply the support I get right away... which might be the cause. I was certain that I built the relationship enough, because sometimes all it takes is a simple "how are you?" and actually care. I care! 

Caring, overthinking and analysing though, I am not sure those get me to the place I want to be. 

It's frustrating, but something to think about.

Let me just add a link: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/how-to-be-assertive-not-pushy/ 

'Open Heart' seminar that changed my life as I knew it

Dear reader,

I’m writing because I took this really interesting weekend 30-hour seminar in April in Montreal, QC and I thought I’d share it with you because it really changed my perspective, improved my self-esteem and awareness in general. Also If you are interested in bettering yourself, like I am, you might find something of value in my experience.

This weekend seminar is called Open Heart and, in a few words, deals with breathing, self-awareness and introspection. So I went to this weekend seminar because I wanted to get rid of stress I was having at my job due to projects (my hard time completing them) and stress related to my relationships with my coworkers (who are nice and evil and really screw with my mind). I received tips and tricks for dealing with the stress, but what I got out of this seminar went a lot deeper than that: I realized my stress wasn’t just about my projects and my coworkers, but it went a lot deeper into my sub-conscious.

We examined negative repetitive patterns that everyone has at least a bit of, so I figured out mine (the major one is seeking approval in everything I do and say), I understood where they come from and why I act like I do, how it has affected my life to date and how I can fix it.

I realized how my relationship with my parents has shaped the way I am in the world, my relationship with people (including coworkers) and with things (such as projects) as well as the way I communicate. I am somehow more self-aware and I realize more than ever how much is in my hands, and that I have the power to change my environment. It’s funny, I used to know this in my brain, and I thought I knew it, but the truth is that I realize how that I never really felt it; I sort of had a breakthrough and now see things way differently.

After realizing my patterns and because of the exercises we did, I’m able to let go of things that used to eat me up inside, short-term tiny things like a fight or the traffic and long-term things like how my parents raised me.

So, since the seminar, I’ve noticed a major change in my communications: I had a terrible relationship with my mom: always falling into her negative trap and struggling for air, whereas now I don’t let that shit fly! I may not be able to change her, but I sure as hell can change how I communicate with her and it’s become much easier and possible! I actually am able to have a real conversation (about real things, not the weather). I’m so proud of myself. I’ve also changed my communication in a similar way with my boyfriend, coworkers, and other people – I am used to reacting instead of responding reasonably and I am much more assertive and able to relax faster when stresses come up. Additionally, I am aware now of the negative behavioural patterns that people have and I can see them all around me and protect myself from getting absorbed into the negativity, mind games, etc.

Lastly, many of the exercises made me more aware of myself physically and emotionally. I live a lot more in the present and I have noticed a significant shift in my overall positivity.

This is what it brought for me in the last month and I am really grateful to have taken the risk in taking this course, and I encourage you to do the same if you see anything of value for yourself. I have increased my self-esteem, I improved my current relationships and communications, I am meeting new people and having good conversations with them, I also started to find hope in my career, I am able to deal with stress a lot easier, I live less inside my head and would say I am a LOT closer to inner peace. This seminar could also help you let go of illness if you have and increase your prosperity.

The seminar is called Open Heart (www.lyselebeau.com) and the next one is June 27^th (evening), June 28 (all day) June 29 (all day) and July 2^nd (evening).

If you have any questions or comments or would simply like to talk about it, please send your comments. I look forward to your reply, and have a nice day,

Miss K