The Law of Attraction

When I first heard of the law of attraction, it was with the book and movie "The secret" by Rhonda Byrne. I got the concept, all right, but I didn't really like the way they put forth the idea that magically things happen just by asking for them. Because they didn't really focus on the fact that you have to take action to get what you want!

But it's true about the law of attraction. How when you are in a certain mindset, those things that help you become visible whether or not they've existed before. For example, when I started thinking about selling cakes, all of a sudden the internet was full of small business articles. I asked my friend "is it just me or is it really fashionable to have a small business?" and he said he didn't notice! Ha proof #1! I came across tons of interesting articles about starting a business because I was starting a business!

Proof #2: After having gone to Hawaii in December, all I see are pineapples. Granted they are appearing in the fashion world, but I am talking about prints, cards, at the grocery store, tea flavours, soap scents. And not just that, I'm noticing when my friends on Facebook go to Hawaii. And I'm noticing Hawaiian books, tropical scents (pineapple, coconut...) and Hawaiian recipes online.

And now the current now: money, or more specifically, saving money. My friend told me about a site she reads: Blonde on a Budget, (and by the way I hadn't told her I was trying to save money), and all of a sudden, Mint starts emailing me again, I'm trying to not buy anything "stupid". Most of all I am trying not to spend money on new tea from DavidsTea and home deco items at Indigo Chapters. and that has been really difficult. I hope to continue talking about this subject in future posts!

Until next time, keep bettering
Yours,
Happy Miss K

5 current life improvements

A short post to serve as an update, things I am focusing on, things to improve and take action on:

1. Gratitude

I continue to practice gratitude. I've noticed recently that when people ask me "How are you?" I tend to take all the good stuff for granted (--> the everyday things like being healthy and employed, as well as the small daily things like a delicious cup of tea or someone asking me how my day is going), so that the things I want to mention are all negative (aches and pains, deadlines, work stresses, annoying coworkers) and so my average mood is always negative. 

Action I'm taking: instead of mentioning bad things, when people ask How are you? force myself to say good and think of something positive. 

2. Circle of influence

Following some end-of-year evaluations and feedback, the reputation I've built is one where I seem to be elsewhere that at work. it's not so much being negative as it is just thinking about other things and being "in the moon" as I like to say, dazed. 

Apparently the heart has a electromagnetic field that is 8 meters radius all around us, and that in some way it affects the people around us. Our mood will affect people around us. 

Action I'm taking: acting confident, trusting, lead by example, be the fire and the bright light in the room. That means smiling in front of others, correcting my posture, listening attentively, thanking others for their actions. Coworkers, family and significant other. I usually don't have that problem with friends.

3. Communication in the family

In my family, we accept errors of those around us by not ever bringing them up and bottling our anger. We also assume how other people will respond, and therefore not include them in plans or not go ahead with plans (depending). So I'm taking it upon myself to change my relationships with them because that's not acceptable for me any more. 

Actions I'm taking: Say when I'm hurt, even if I feel extremely vulnerable. Ask to be informed for certain decisions. Inform them of my decisions.

4. Me time

When I focus solely on important tasks , that are usually urgent or stress me a little because they're so important (like my bakery- ... oh that's right! I didn't post about that yet! in the meantime: www.gateauxdulce.com) I get judgemental on myself - not doing enough, not doing it fast enough, spending too much time watching TV (that part is true). 

On the other hand, when I read and do things I've been putting off that are enjoyable such as creative activities, reading and planning a trip, I feel like life is good. 

Actions I'm taking: Replace TV and online shopping with reading, baking, planning and creative things like drawing, painting, etc.

5. No spending on useless crap

Speaking of online shopping, after a big discussion about whether or not we should buy a drone for travel videos, which costs about 2500$ by the way, I've decided to see how much stuff I can cut out of my spending. 

Actions I'm taking: When I have ingredients for lunches in the fridge, but don't feel I have the time, I will make a lunch so as not spend money on a lunch at work. I'm super addicted to Indigo Chapters and DavidsTea so not spending there will be the hardest. I bought a gift at DavidsTea and then found a better gift (guess where? Indigo!), so I guess that was a failure (but I eat failure for breakfast) because I ended up with extra tea. But no more! 40% off online tea......... I check the specials daily but so far I haven't bought any! Yay! Only once I run out then I can buy more.... it'll be a while!!

I encourage you to set big goals and to take small actions every day to achieve them! Something that has helped me a lot is this Passion Planner, Thank you!

Signed, 
Miss K

Jealousy

A new pattern for me: jealousy

Jealousy isn’t something I am altogether familiar with…well, yes and no. Yes I am familiar with the heart ache I feel with jealousy, when someone I know has something I don’t and that I feel shitty for not being at the same place, but No in the sense that it’s rare that I get jealous. I must more often get that feeling just because I am judging myself: “I should be more like ____, but I’m not, and I hate myself for it”

I just got jealous again. My friend who’s shown me that she’s changed so much after taking a personal development class, I got inspired to do the same. I too have gone through a lot of positive changes. Now she’s totally changed careers and she’s starting her own business… and that’s what set off that feeling of “I’m not good enough” followed by “and I am never going to be.”

I took a moment to calm down and thought it through. Emotions are useful: they tell us something and figuring out what they are trying to tell us is Emotional Intelligence. This jealousy is telling me that I would like to eventually own a business. It is also telling me that I want to be excited about work, as she was.

And finally I can’t just push aside jealousy, by putting it into a small box for a rainy day. No – feel it, and accept it. It’s okay to be jealous. Now take action. You want to find career happiness, Karen? well go and find it. There is no other way. I’m sure she has gone through jealousy herself, and gone through a lot of negative emotions before finding something for her. Also, I can’t expect to have the same pathway to happiness as her, as our pasts are not at all the same, and our selves are two entirely different people.

I feel better already.

(PS. Reading material: http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/08/01/the-real-reason-youre-jealous-of-your-friends-success/2/)

Anonymous free lattes

I just finished sending anonymously free latte coupons to a few of my coworkers (free holiday latte at Tim Horton’s) 

I’m seeing a trend where I like giving anonymous gifts, and not dealing with their reactions. Or seeing their reactions but not being there when they are pleased. I thought, hey I just like being nice, and I think I also sort of wish these people pay it forward and grow in their own ways, to be better people. Perhaps it is somewhat selfish to be around people who would pay it forwards, but at the same time it is very selfless in the fact that I am giving for the sake of giving and not expecting anything in return (which is awesome!)

At the same time, it makes me wonder – is there a fear that I have? Probably: I’ve recently had an “aha!” moment realizing I have a fear of intimacy, in the way that I can’t pay a compliment and look someone in the eye, or be confrontation and look them in the eye, or be vulnerable in any way and look at them in the eye. As soon as I say something personal, nice or mean, I look away. As soon as I’ve said what I wanted to say, I look away, afraid to see what happens and be present for the reaction. When it’s a compliment I am paying, or something nice, often I will defend myself or not take ownership “well, it was going to happen anyway”. Another way I fear intimacy: I have a way of skipping over the bonding, “how are you?” part of a conversation to just get to the point… while other times, I’ll only ask about the other person so that I don’t have to say anything about myself (and be vulnerable).

The challenge here will be to say “I’m the one who sent it to you”, look that person in the eye until their reaction comes, and just listen and accept whatever the reaction is with humility and respond calmly if necessary. “It was my pleasure.”

Secret Agent K

Five things that make me happy this week

1. Baking , especially when it's to raise funds, and I don't have to do the raising. 

I made marshmallows flavored with Cream of Earl Grey tea from DavidsTea (the recipe is here), and I also made apple turnovers, which were both surprisingly easy to make. We raised money for Centraide. The department at my work was organizing. So many sweets were made and about 400$ were raised! Wonderful!

2. Leaving anonymous gifts to put smiles on people's faces! Inspired by Secret Agent L.

I left these at the gym! Random Acts of Kindness is the way to go :)

3. Complimenting people by way of post-its, idea from Operation Beautiful

This one I put up on a car at the gym. I'd have done it for more cars, but it was raining and I didn't have an umbrella! It will definitely brighten someone's day!

4. Made a cake for my friend's birthday! It's a butter pecan cake with whipped cream frosting. It was a total hit at the party! I may one day start making cakes for money  - wouldn't that be something? 

5. Pretty boxes for cupcakes I  just ordered from my friend's company Georgette Packaging

Have a lovely week!

Happy K

The fine line

There's a fine line between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour, and that fine line exists everywhere. So if you were to draw all the fine lines that people metaphorically walk on, or beside, there would be one everywhere we looked, there are so many. And worse, if we drew my line and your line on the same subject, and colored in the space between, well, we wouldn't see in front of us at all.

This week, the fine line has been on my mind constantly. I'll talk about those more prominent lines I experienced in the last few days.

The fine line between being funny and offending

This one happened to me big time today. Yesterday's funny picture I made about my coworker made everyone laugh wholeheartedly, but was a really bad joke today that warranted immediate action. By respect for him, I deleted the picture, the emails, all links to it, and then cleared my recycle bin. I was so proud of it too, and we laughed the big laugh together - the kind of laugh that gets me coughing for the next 2 hours. Oh, what a nice laugh it was. But I've managed to offend. 

It's about trust and relationship - have I managed to create a sense of relation with this person? Does he trust me enough? The answer is : No, he doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust me, because I sent it to someone (someone I trust). He doesn't know I wouldn't hurt him. He's my favorite person in all the company and he doesn't know it.  Because of that, the line gets blurred. My line isn't the same as his line. 

The fine line between discipline and punishment/violence

I've been having big questions  - will I ever want kids? I really feel right now like I don't have what it takes to be a parent . My kids would end up more messed up than me, what with a mother who has trouble dealing with negativity, people, who compares herself and blames herself for a lot of shortcomings, and a potential father who well, has his own set of faults (he's got some good sides too). 

A good friend of mine just got a puppy. They are trying to train him, to be a disciplined and caring dog. They've decided not to "punish", as in be physically violent, though a lot of discipline techniques are physical, so what's the line between violence and discipline?

As a kid, I remember thinking many time that my mom was my enemy for forcing me to ___ (fill in the blank) but ended up realizing later it was a good idea (but never admitting it). Those are instances where they've stood their ground and I HATED it, like I thought I deserved a better life, and I thought I was unjustly being punished. I thought it was violence, and aggressiveness, and was only there to make me hurt. How my line had been different from my parents' line. To them, it had just been discipline, and was necessary. 

So, no matter what I try to discipline my children, they'll think something else. And no matter how violence-free my friends think they are raising their dog, we'll never know who the dog perceives being touched when he's angry. It's a matter of perspective! (Everything is a matter of perspective)

The fine line between being caring and obsessing & between assertive and defensive

There are things I really care about, but when I speak about them more than once, I am often told to stop "preaching to the choir". It seems to others sometimes as if I obsess in an unhealthy way, however what I see is something that drives me, that inspires me. I am not trying to convince those around me that they should change their opinions... What I wan't is for the other person to think about it and engage me in a meaningful discussion. It gets to a point where I end up defending myself, where I should be speaking my mind. 

What I've found out here is that the difference lies in 1) my interest in what the other person thinks of me and 2) how I see myself/my confidence. 



All in all, due to this week's theme of "the thin line", I've realized that my self-confidence is being tested since I still care about what other people think of me and whether they judge me. It's a fear I need to take hold of, understand, accept and move on - i.e. don't let it bother me as I keep putting myself in action. The confidence and self-respect will come!

Keep the faith,

Happy K

Getting out of the vicious circle

"If you feed the madness, it feeds on you" from the episode I JUST watched in Once Upon a Time

A few "bad" things (it's a matter of perspective, don't you think?) happened in a row and it snowballed: I lost control of myself then got into a doom & gloom mood for a couple of weeks, a "phase". In that phase, which I've had before a few times, I go down hard on myself, and then hate myself for everything I do. It's the harsh self-talk that goes on in my head when I'm not doing something fun. I do do fun things that make me temporarily happy and forget, which I think is part of the reason I get out of the negativity phase eventually, but they feel like escapes. Because when those fun things end, I go back to the black cloud mood where it's easy to be mad, it's easy to hate, it's easy to blame. 

I had this twice since I went to Open Heart in April 2014, and got out of it consciously, using the tools I got from the seminar. Because of that course, I'm aware and conscious. It sucks, but it's good at the same time because I know what I need to do. It sucks because it adds another reason to hate myself (therefore, vicious circle), but it's good because, as I ruin, blame, cry, get angry and wish bad things on people who didn't do anything, I also put time to exercise, do my written exercises that I learned from the seminar, take time to do breathing exercises, and meditations that inspire me, because I know those work. 

But man, is it hard to start, to put effort and be uncomfortable! But starting, well, that's non-optional for where I want to go!

I have motivation to find the happy version of me, it's really good, and I'm so thankful to have found a way to get there, even if I have to do it over and over .

People and sites I follow that inspire me:
http://instagram.com/maddykatelier
http://mindvalleyacademy.com/
http://cupcakesandcashmere.com/ (special mention for her newest post my-5-steps-for-tackling-anxiety)